The Wartenberg wheel looks like a silly little pizza-cutter and never fails to make me feel goofy when I’m using it. Nevertheless, I love the sensations and the reactions the wheel elicits.
Did somebody say pizza?
Month: June 2014
After an amazing month home, I have to go back to my new little neck of the woods. I’ve got to get back to my job (I was fortunate enough to be able to take this long off because we keep our doors closed for May) and I’ve got to start getting ready for all the craziness of the fall (teaching, doing my master’s thesis, eeek).
I’m a little anxious because, in addition to the craziness that awaits me, I’m not sure the next time I’ll be back around to see my family or friends or Sir or this new guy. I’m not even 100% sure if Sir will end up having to relocate for work.
So you can expect some cathartic porn reblogging and intentional dirty distractions for the next few days, I suppose.
Hello, Anons
StandardAnonymous said: If you’re worried about making people’s dashes spammy, if there are a lot of anon messages requiring a short answer, you could just copy them into one big post maybe? (And I realize that adding another message isn’t exactly helping the backlog, sorry for that :P) FWIW, though, I always enjoy your posts and would not mind my dashboard getting spammed up if it was you.
Ivy says: Great idea! Here goes.
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Anonymous said: Oh man… your Sir’s blog used to scare the shit out of me, and now it’s doing something weird and tingly to my princess parts. How did I fall so far into this rabbit hole that is BDSM?
Ivy says: What’s really cool about sexuality is that it isn’t set in stone. Stuff I used to find impossible or even kind of triggering about his interests are now things that I am trying and even enjoying. And stuff that he once found too soft or uninteresting is now getting him very interested, too. So, enjoy the ride.
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Anonymous said: Do you have an opinion on consensual domestic discipline? Where do you feel that it fits in the bdsm world? A lot of people seem to shun people who practice it and im not sure why.
Ivy says: I’ll be honest and say I’m not entirely sure what consensual domestic discipline is. If you mean a sort of 24/7 D/s situation in which two (or more) consenting adults agree upon a set of rules and a set of punishments for those rules in a domestic setting, sure, okay. As long as there’s consent, I’m not sure what the issue is. Why are those people being shunned?
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Anonymous said: Hi, Ivy. How do you deal with a break up? I just went through my first one ever 🙁 With someone I trusted enough to call master. We were really close friends in addition to romance and we’re still trying to keep that which I think is the right thing. But I’m not sure how to fall out of love. And I don’t even need to, but I need to make that love secondary to our friendship. I’m just not sure how. Any advice?
Ivy says: First of all, I’m very sorry to hear about this break up with someone you love and trust so deeply. I hope the separation is for the best and that it helps you to continue to grow and prosper.
But, on the subject of dealing with it, the first thing to turn to is yourself. Surround yourself with people you love, do activities that make you happy, find something cathartic (anything from kickboxing to baking) that allows you to channel the emotions into something productive. And, while being close friends with someone you broke up with sometimes might work, it’s advisable to give yourself some space from that person first. There’s still a lot of emotions there and you need to be able to allow yourself time to heal before poking that wound, no matter how amicable the break up was.
I remember how crushing my first break up was from someone I had engaged with in a D/s context. I also remember how important it was to allow myself the space to have a healing process without that person, and how royally it messed me up whenever I let that person back in too soon.
I hope this helps. Sending you the biggest hug ever.
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Anonymous said: You seem to have a lot of fun in cars (good for you!).
Ivy says: Part of that is definitely because whenever I’m visiting my family, I have very little privacy. A car is, second to our homes, the most private place people can get. Even if it is relatively public.
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Anonymous said: Settle an argument for me, are woman really better at eating pussy?
Ivy says: People who enjoy eating pussy are better at eating pussy. It has nothing to do with gender. Bringing your enthusiasm to the table and taking some time to learn what your partner likes are what’s key to being good at eating pussy.
Hi can I just dress like this every second of every day?
At one point, while we were in his car, he was on top of me and teasing his cock over my slit. I really wanted him and my resolve on being a good accountable partner was threatening to wane if we kept at it.
“Do you want me to fuck you?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I answered, “but we can’t.”
“I know. I didn’t ask if I could. I asked if you wanted me to.” He leaned down and kissed my neck.
I nodded, resting my hands up on his shoulders. “Yeah, I really want you to fuck me.”
“I want you to touch yourself later and think about this. I want you to think about me fucking you and I want you to tell me that you did,” he said. “I want you to think about how it’s going to feel when I fuck that little pussy of yours.”
So, um, I might have texted him last night about carrying that out. Maybe.
My deep question has nothing to do with anything important. Tell me about your favorite nail polish color, any dream manicure styles?
StandardRight now my nails are coral and I love it. Usually, I stick to red, black or stuff in the blue/teal/green family.
I’ve never had a French manicure and I figure maybe one day I’ll give that a try.
IF YOUR ICON IS YOUR DICK U GOTTA CHILL
StandardWhat made you decide against monogamy? Do you feel you could just never be monogamous or is there more to it?
StandardIt wasn’t really a decision against monogamy as it was a decision to be non-monogamous.
Sir and I were monogamous for a good chunk of our relationship. We were good at it – if there’s a way to be “good” at that sort of thing – and we were very happy.
But we’re also really happy exploring relationships with other people. And while it’s not a matter of the fact that whether we could ever be monogamous, it’s more a realization that we really don’t want to be. I like my Daddy a whole lot and I’m liking exploring stuff with this new partner. He is having a great time with his partners as well.
For as hard as it can be, there’s also some really rewarding things that come with non-monogamy that make it less of the anti-monogamy and something entirely separate. We’re both seeing the benefits of cultivating relationships with other people and seeing how fun, exciting, sexy and fulfilling it can be. It’s no so much that we’re not able to handle monogamy, it’s more that we find non-monogamy, for all its difficulties, really enjoyable.
If you’re looking to be non-monogamous with someone who you consider to be a primary partner, I would even argue that it’s not something you can do until you’re sure you can be monogamous with them. Or, at the very least, until you’re sure that the relationship has established firm pillars of trust and communication. When these things have been established, non-monogamy won’t just test them, but strengthen them. When they haven’t, they’re usually what absolutely destroys a non-monogamous relationship.
Of course, non-monogamy doesn’t work for everyone. But, right now, we’re finding that it works pretty well for us.
Not to mention sometimes we have some pretty awesome threesomes.
Thursday Thoughts
Standard- I’ve got a bunch of messages I’m behind on in my askbox. I think I’ve gotten to the folks who asked stuff off-anon, but now I’m trying to pace out answering the anon ones so I don’t just spam everyone’s dashboards with a chunk of full-on ask responses. So, thank you in advance for your patience.
- That said, to the anon who asked the three-ask-long question about MRAs, please come off anon and ask it. It seems like you wanted a private answer, but I can’t answer you privately when you are on anon. It’s a good question and I think I’ve got an okay answer. Maybe?
- Here’s some pizza spam because this is secretly a pizza (and avocado) blog. The girl’s face in the second panel is pretty accurate.
- Speaking of pizza, is there a way to get one of these for a person/kittygirl?
- The person who put these fliers up at her school is doing some awesome guerrilla education and patriarchy-smashing. Well done!
- Thanks to everyone for the kind words about my recent poly adventure – both in reference to the adventure itself and the discussion of Sir’s and my feelings and fears. Your support is amazing as we learn what makes us happy and keeps the good stuff going great.
- Here’s the last bit of pizza spam. I promise.
- Just kidding.