Welcome to my Lair: Random notes on things:


Welcome to my Lair: Random notes on things:


Nothing can wear you out like caring about people,“ – S.E. Hinton, That Was Then, This Is Now.


How topical.

Last night was kind of tough. It was sort of the culmination of a lot of things that have been sort of building of my life that ended in this really strange catharsis slash one of the most honest conversations I’ve ever had on Craftsmate’s couch.

There’s some sexy shit from some playing around with Craftsmate buried in my queue, but I wanted to break that up and just say that he’s a really, really good person. And for all the anxiety it’s caused, I’m glad he found my tumblr. He’s a great friend.

(But, hey, kiddo, let’s never, ever, ever, ever, ever have another night like that, okay?)

Despite the whole episode that came before it, last night was probably some of the most fun I had this year. I randomly fell asleep on Craftsmate’s couch after the whole thing, woke up around 3:30 am, and we wandered the practically empty, sleeping campus until about 5 am. It was just really, really nice.

Sorry for the digression, but I think part of last night has taught me that I need to start treating myself better. 

(You do, too, you ass.)

(No, but really.)

(Let’s be a little nicer to ourselves, okay?)


This camera angle’s just about right. It’s basically all he sees.

But very, very rarely gets to touch.


I love unmade beds. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people’s eyes when they realize they’re in love. I love the way people look when they first wake up and they’ve forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close their eyes and drift to somewhere in the clouds. I fall in love with people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their breakdowns and their smeared makeup and their daydreams. Honesty is just too beautiful to ever put into words.


Both Craftsmate and Penthouse had expressed to me that they were not particularly into knives or knifeplay when I first met them.

Today, both of them texted me on separate occasions to let me know that this is no longer the case. They’re in deep enough that Penthouse has kindled a book on it. 

And apparently this is all my fault.

Sorry I’m not sorry? 


I like to engage in acts of creative destruction. Never to truly hurt you but rather to startle you into feeling alive.

Photo (by {E}mma)


I realized that I never actually mentioned what happened with that guy from my frat beyond a sentence in some post. Mostly because I was a little conflicted about it, but I feel sort of equipped to share now.

Simply put: it was a really hot but really confusing encounter. And most of the people I have told about it agree with the hot stuff and don’t totally understand why I’m all hung up on random details.

Call me a traditional sap, but the asshole don’t kiss me.

To be fair, it didn’t fit in completely with what we were doing. He came home with me and one of my friends had fallen asleep on my carpet. So we were sort of quietly sitting up on my bed and talking.

It’s been a while, so I forget the context, but I remember telling him that I didn’t know how to place him because I didn’t know what he wanted.

“You know what I want,” he said, “but it’s more fun not giving myself that.”

And he held me down, eased my skirt up, and proceeded to edge me like I never have been before. He was firm but still sensual. The whole time I was desperately attempting to stay quiet and, just as I was teetering right at the edge, he stopped. He grinned, pulled the sheets up, and tucked me in.

“See?” I could see his smirk in the darkness. “It’s a lot more fun when I just tease you.”

And he left. I laid there in shock for a while, frustrated and awed.

On a ton of levels, I find that whole interaction incredibly hot. But I guess there’s still part of me that’s stupidly hung up on insecurities that he must not respect me, even when I know that isn’t true.


See those two quick little breaths she sucks in right as he’s pulling her top down?


Those just about make this whole thing.