I’ve been putting off making this post because I always hate writing about the tough stuff.

Back in October and early November, Sir and I were having a little trouble. He was in the awkward position of being about to move but wanting to explore kink/poly stuff. And though I encouraged him, he kept snagging on the fact that he would be gone in a few months. To top things off, his other main partner had moved away.

As a result, there was a little bit of understandable bitterness. But, I ended up feeling awkward and evasive, like the problem wasn’t Sir’s own frustration with his situation but that I had somehow wronged him by being with other people. I felt guilty, and more than that, worried that he would become resentful from me and that this would ruin our relationship.

Instead of articulating this to him, I just started walking on eggshells and avoiding talking about poly. I hid behind excuses and tried to deflect away from the things I was doing for fear of upsetting him. I didn’t want to lose what I had, and so I just pretended I didn’t have it.

The tension came to a head the night when he was complaining to me about the dilemma of starting to like someone but feeling like everything was coming to an end too soon, and was therefore useless. Feeling guilty and anxious, I lied, said I was going to sleep, and went to Pup’s place instead to mess around. Instantly, I felt awful and, on my way home, called Sir to tell him what I had done and that I had been avoiding him because of my fear of having to choose between his happiness/security and non-monogamy.

“Okay,” Sir said. “Okay, we need to talk about this.”

And, finally, we did.






Look Daddy stinging nettles! mastersubverter

So that’s a thing? I thought it was just a bitch getting swatted and stabbed with some random shrubbery. I’m so ignorant of this stuff.

What are nettles?

They’re shit that gets put in panties when someone misbehaves.

Haha. You’re an asshole, Sir. <3



I’m going to do such dirty things to you.

Pictures like this make me freaking melt.



Full Service, Part Eight 

We were curled up together in bed afterwards. Craftsmate had untied me and my head was kind of spinning. I had kind of fallen back into subspace during sex once more, especially when he pulled out and made me cum by grinding his thumb really hard into my g-spot. He knows I like the tension between things hurting and feeling pleasurable, such as getting overstimulated by a vibrator or getting spanked on my cunt.

But, anyway, I was a little hazy. The inside of my mouth tasted like condom and cum and I wanted to close my eyes for a bit.

Craftsmate reached over and pinched my nipples between his fingers. “You know, if I ever collar you and own you,” he said, pinching a little harder, “I would pierce these with little rings.”

“We’ll talk about it, Sir,” I replied.

He nodded and kissed my forehead. “Of course. I’d never make you. But maybe one day.” He released my nipples. “Anyway, you were a very good girl today.”

Swelling with pride, I let my eyes close and curled up in his arms.

In retrospect, I’m happy I pierced them on my own terms. When I was ready to admit to myself that I’d wanted them for years and that it was okay to take a risk and get them, when I did it how I wanted it to be done. (I think rings aren’t as cute as barbels.)

“Are you sure this isn’t because I like them?” Sir had asked me while we were waiting for the piercer. “This is what you want, right?”

I shook my head. “Are you kidding? This is all for me.”

We’re both glad about that fact.

Do you think it’s important to disclose your kink to your therapist? I don’t know if it’s appropriate to tell my psychiatrist about it but there is definitely some stuff going on there.


So, my therapist is fairly kink-aware and poly-aware, so yes. It was a lot of work to get to a place where I’m comfortable talking to her about that stuff, but I feel like I might be there. 

You have to remember that these people are professionals working to help you. They’re there for you and for your benefit. So if this is something you feel you need to talk about, you should find a professional you feel comfortable talking to about it.


Access: one of the perks of option #1, which hasn’t gotten all that much love but still has a soft spot in my heart.