Yesterday would have been Sir’s and my anniversary. In the spirit of trying to be friends, we decided to meet up for dinner.
I was super anxious leading up to it; I hadn’t seen him since we broke up, although we have been talking. We’re both seeing other people, but I was scared I would cry when I saw him or regret the whole thing instantly.
But seeing him come up the block to meet me last night, I was filled with warmth for him. It’s hard to explain. But I’ll say this: we spent most of the first half of our twenties together, and so in a way we grew up together. There were so many firsts and so many beautiful things that I shared with this man. And so when he came up and hugged me, all of my anxiety faded away and I was able to just enjoy him again.
It’s hard to talk about the “end” of this relationship – though it’s not really ended – on tumblr. He found me here, you all watched this relationship develop. You were there for all the good stuff and the awkward stuff and the brave stuff. I was nervous to share the bad stuff because it always felt like I might be disappointing someone, especially when I used to get asks from people basically saying they envied our relationship.
I’ve said it before here and I’ll repeat it: knowing how it all wound up, I’d do it again. Especially now, after the wonderful dinner we shared as people becoming something that feels like – and hopefully will be – dear friends. And I know it sounds strange, but breaking up may have been one of the best things we could have done for our relationship.
We were very good to each other. I think that’s what made this all right. There were some really hard and bad times. But in the end it’s overwhelmed by gratitude and warmth. I’m glad we did this right. I’m glad I loved him. I’m glad we tried as hard as we did. And I’m glad you’ve all been with us, join us on this really unexpected journey.
I promise, I’ll get back to the sexy stuff soon.