stress

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Hi, I’m stressed out and Sir went to bed early and I’m losing my motivation and I need attention and love, okay?

sadece-hayal:

♡ ℒℴѵℯ • ♡

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Something I’m very passionate about is in danger because of some bullshit. It’s a project I’ve been working on for a cause I very much believe in, but there are some people who don’t want to see it happen. 

I found out about some pretty shady things that were going on yesterday and wound up spending nearly the whole day in my pajamas, at my computer, sending emails and trying to straighten stuff out. 

That guy from my frat was actually very kind and sat with me, calmed me down and told me I would just need to let go until it was straightened out. I was in the right, he reassured me, but I had done all that I could do in the present moment.

“Now, come on, I’ll make you a gin and tonic and we’ll go to the convenience store.”

“Can I shower first?” I asked, “I’d love the dignity of being able to wear a bra before 5 pm.”

After I showered, I headed over to his place, where he proceeded to give me a sticker for my hard work and then pour a gin and tonic, lime and all, into one of those portable coffee cups so I could take it with me to the store.

Call it trashy, but I found it to be a very sweet gesture.

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During yoga tonight, before we released our hips, the instructor mentioned that people store a lot of pressure and emotions in there.

And so, of course, I release and out comes one of the loudest cracks I’ve ever heard my body make.

Nice job being stressed in the summer, self.

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Things I am stressed about today:

  • Last night, I accompanied my best friend out and may have allowed her to get a little wasted at a party. At one point in the evening, she pounced on me and tried to make out with me. I managed to wrestle her off, knowing she was totally not in the right state of mind, and she almost started crying because of some trouble with a guy she had been hooking up with. Awesome.
  • During the evening, I completely said the wrong thing to that guy from my frat and I am fairly sure I may have completely screwed things on even a friendship level there.
  • The evening ended in me, her, and her ex-boyfriend in a shouting match in the student center at three in the morning when she wanted to go home with him. He was absolutely awful to her and he got ultra-defensive when I asked her if she was going to be okay with this decision.
  • Today, I finally heard from her. She doesn’t remember last night, partially from being blackout drunk and partially because they had such violent sex her head knocked the headboard and she got a concussion.
  • When I told her what she did last night, not realizing she was just getting out of a hospital, she broke down crying and called herself the worst person on Earth.
  • I am now headed over to her room with cookies so we can sit around and bitch about men. 

Seriously, tumblr, can I ever just catch a break?

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I was supposed to have a sexy night with her tonight.

But, some stresses in her other relationship, the one with her boyfriend, kept her feeling less than sexy. I realized that there were really two choices that I had about the evening. I could just go do my own thing or I could go over there and see if I could help. I was aware that, basically, the difference in these choices was that one indicated that we were on purely sexual level at this point or if there was something deeper.

At the very least, she’s one of my very close friends. A bit deeper, I don’t know, I think there’s something.

I went over to her room. I held her in bed, played with her hair, let her talk it out. I listened. We ate cookies. It felt nice to care for her and take on that sort of role. It was something people on a purely sexual level don’t do, I’m fairly sure. She called me sweetie.

Sweetie.

I am finally testing the waters of polyamory this year after a long time of really wanting to scratch the surface but being afraid and just not knowing what I wanted. And I’m really starting to get what it means now, what it implies.