sir

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Last night, I brought one of my best friends in my “vanilla” circle to a munch.

I was super nervous about the whole thing. I’d never truly mixed those two friend groups before besides bringing Pup to a party once. So, I wasn’t sure what she’d make of my kinky friends, and I wasn’t sure if this was too much throwing her into the fire after she’d admitted to me that she might be a switch and wanted to see the community.

However, she held her own wonderfully. I did my best to sort of shield her from some of the creepier dudes, so she ended up hitting it off with (what I consider to be) some of the best people I know in that community.

She was also super, super tolerant of the more relaxed attitudes towards overt sexuality that the group has. She didn’t flinch when worthlessrapemeat showed off some of her photographs, and even offered some of her own (!!!!) up to the group.

But the highlight of the evening was probably when we were talking to some people about preferences (I had to cutely remind her that the word she was looking for was “switch”) and I identified as, “about 99% submissive.” Her jaw dropped and she exclaimed rather loudly, “YOU’RE the sub? With him?” He pointed to Pup and I nodded. Suddenly, her eyes got even wider. “With…with CRAFTSMATE?!”

“You know,” I teased Pup, “she thought you’re my sub. Maybe she’s onto something.”

Later on, Pup ended up showing her (with my permission) a photo of me tied up on my bed. (Yeah I know I’ve got to catch you guys up on him and I. Patience!) I was clothed, curled up and my face was covered by my hair, so it wasn’t quite blushy enough to make me die on the spot. She smiled and looked over at me, “it’s so different to see you like that. It’s kind of nice.”

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He used to tie me up like this and make me go to bed. 

Inevitably, I’d wake up humping the crotch rope.

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Somebody’s bought some new toys recently,

and he says they’re just perfect for playing doctor.

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I’m not going to lie. Halloween was a whole lot of fun, but it was really hard without him.

It’s our first Halloween apart. I know it sounds minor and silly, but Halloween is kind of our holiday. Last year, he came out and saw me. The year before, it was the first time we made ourselves public within our group of friends. 

Previously, we had been sort of doing the whole secret play partners on the down-low thing. But stuff was really starting to grow between us and we’d been drinking, so we started rather blatantly making out. And so everyone was kind of like well okay I guess that’s a thing that’s been happening.

He went home with me that night and I remember waking up beside him and looking over and thinking, “shit, I’m developing serious feelings for this person.”

So, it was hard to have this one without him. I really hope it’s the last one.

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A year ago, Sir and I tried to have anal. Key word: tried.

Sir had engaged in anal in the past, but I never had. I also had the kind of interest in it that stopped at fantasy. I considered it a soft limit. It wasn’t something I sought out, though every so often I would stop on it in a porn and think “damn.”

I consented to trying it with Sir because I knew how much he liked it and I enjoyed the idea of doing that with him. But, I was really anxious about it. I was worried I would make a mess (I’d heard a few horror stories), I was worried it would hurt, I was worried I would hate it. I also found the invasiveness of it – though super sexy – a little triggering.

We tried an enema one afternoon and I was completely triggered by it. I kicked him out of the bathroom and expelled it on my own, then wound up crying. He took care of me afterwards, but I wound up reacting out of trauma and turning the situation to blame him for “making” me do it. He hadn’t, but I’ve come to recognize these are the kinds of trauma responses I have.

Another time, we tried anal sex and I got so anxious I clenched my sphincter right as he was trying to enter me. Even though he’d made sure to warm me up a lot, it still hurt like crazy because I’d clenched. And, once again, I got super upset and somehow blamed him for making it do that. 

Sir was incredibly patient with me, and we had a long talk about why I was being triggered. He held me and promised that he wouldn’t bring the subject up anymore.

But over the past year we’ve both eased into the idea of it, and I’ve also grown to trust him more deeply than I ever thought possible. So, when he came to visit back in August, we tried again.

This time, I relaxed through the enema. He was patient with me. I let him stay in the bathroom with me the whole time and we shared in the pride of how calm I’d stayed.

Even though I was still incredibly anxious about it, I let myself relax and trust that Sir would take care of me. He was experienced in this. He went slow, tried a few positions, and when we finally had a comfortable momentum, I caught myself smiling. “We did it, babe,” I kept saying, getting used to the feeling of him inside me. I was swelling with joy over the fact that this had turned out to be this really amazing bonding experience which I guess isn’t the first thing you think of when you consider anal, but that’s what this was for us.

So what’s the secret to anal sex? I don’t know, I think it’s trust. And probably a lot of lube, too.

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Sometimes, even though he prefers cats, Sir gets to play with a little puppy named Sprinkles.

She’s not all that bright, but she’s cute and she means well and she knows one or two tricks.

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I was super nervous about introducing Sir to Pup when he visited back at the end of August. 

First, there’s always some awkwardness about being like “hello person I’m in a relationship with meet this person I’ve started dating a little.” Not to mention the fact that in the past there’s been a little awkwardness about authority and whatnot.

Second, Pup and I had just come off of a really awesome second date. I mean, probably the second best second date I’ve ever had besides the one I had with Sir (which was stellar). It was just one of those really crazy nights whose elements sort of fell together almost eerily perfectly. We decided to go to an arcade and play around like children, and on the way we found a twenty on the ground. While playing a few rounds of pool, we discovered we had really good chemistry. Afterwards, as we took a walk and were just talking, we passed what looked like the most comfortable couch ever that had just been left out on the sidewalk. I was looking for a new couch, and this one matched my freaking living room. So, we ran back to my place, I kicked off my heels and threw on sneakers, and we ended up carrying the couch to my apartment. Then, we made out on the couch, which ended up being super comfy even if it was missing one of its back legs (oh well, I’ve got it up against a wall.)

So, yeah, I’d just had this really great night with him and I didn’t want to make things weird by bringing my boyfriend/owner into that situation. But, I wanted to bring Sir to the munch to introduce him to my friends in the kink community there. And Pup was going to be there with his girlfriend. 

When Sir and I walked in, Pup and his girlfriend were hanging out right by the entrance. I got a little sidetracked because of course someone in my freaking graduate cohort had to be there (GAH) so I cleared up that situation as quickly as possible (it’s cool, guys.) And, when I turned around, I saw Sir talking to Pup and his girlfriend. They were all smiling and everything seemed at ease. I was so relieved. 

Of course, I immediately started blushing when Sir told me to tell them about how he’d taught me how to ride a bike just a year ago and I got all embarrassed and went to soft-shoe it out of there and then accidentally almost knocked over Pup’s drink because I’m the most awkward person on the entire planet.

And then I blushed again when I realized that Pup and Sir were kind of both flanking me while we were talking to other people and, after I’d pointed it out, they both put an arm around me. My cheeks were actually burning.

“Aw, look at you,” Sir teased. “How’s that make you feel?”

“Shut up,” I pouted.

Pup squeezed my hip, “no, I think you should tell us how that makes you feel.”

On the way out, Sir mentioned that he really liked Pup and his girlfriend, and as we said our goodbyes, we made plans for a double date before Sir headed back home.

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Sir is drunk and sending me this stream of motivational texts about how I’m going to be a MILF one day but that I still need to live life to the fullest and then suddenly goes “ok good night.”

I think I picked a good one.

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I hate sounding like a unicorn-hunter because I know firsthand that whole practice can be so problematic but gah what do I have to do to have one evening or a whole series of evenings or an ongoing dynamic like this with Sir and another girl?