where are the settings to get my brain to sync with my google calendar?
My struggle exactly.
ethical nonmonogamy
I was super nervous about introducing Sir to Pup when he visited back at the end of August.
First, there’s always some awkwardness about being like “hello person I’m in a relationship with meet this person I’ve started dating a little.” Not to mention the fact that in the past there’s been a little awkwardness about authority and whatnot.
Second, Pup and I had just come off of a really awesome second date. I mean, probably the second best second date I’ve ever had besides the one I had with Sir (which was stellar). It was just one of those really crazy nights whose elements sort of fell together almost eerily perfectly. We decided to go to an arcade and play around like children, and on the way we found a twenty on the ground. While playing a few rounds of pool, we discovered we had really good chemistry. Afterwards, as we took a walk and were just talking, we passed what looked like the most comfortable couch ever that had just been left out on the sidewalk. I was looking for a new couch, and this one matched my freaking living room. So, we ran back to my place, I kicked off my heels and threw on sneakers, and we ended up carrying the couch to my apartment. Then, we made out on the couch, which ended up being super comfy even if it was missing one of its back legs (oh well, I’ve got it up against a wall.)
So, yeah, I’d just had this really great night with him and I didn’t want to make things weird by bringing my boyfriend/owner into that situation. But, I wanted to bring Sir to the munch to introduce him to my friends in the kink community there. And Pup was going to be there with his girlfriend.
When Sir and I walked in, Pup and his girlfriend were hanging out right by the entrance. I got a little sidetracked because of course someone in my freaking graduate cohort had to be there (GAH) so I cleared up that situation as quickly as possible (it’s cool, guys.) And, when I turned around, I saw Sir talking to Pup and his girlfriend. They were all smiling and everything seemed at ease. I was so relieved.
Of course, I immediately started blushing when Sir told me to tell them about how he’d taught me how to ride a bike just a year ago and I got all embarrassed and went to soft-shoe it out of there and then accidentally almost knocked over Pup’s drink because I’m the most awkward person on the entire planet.
And then I blushed again when I realized that Pup and Sir were kind of both flanking me while we were talking to other people and, after I’d pointed it out, they both put an arm around me. My cheeks were actually burning.
“Aw, look at you,” Sir teased. “How’s that make you feel?”
“Shut up,” I pouted.
Pup squeezed my hip, “no, I think you should tell us how that makes you feel.”
On the way out, Sir mentioned that he really liked Pup and his girlfriend, and as we said our goodbyes, we made plans for a double date before Sir headed back home.
Can we discuss that I was just looking through my drafts/submissions for a pizza pic (I have multitudes) but then herdirtylittleheart just submitted this one as if summoned?
The rest of my day after apple picking involved me going to a party for a friend of mine who just had one of those amazing life milestones that makes you think either he’s too good at this or that everyone else is just moving too slow at the whole adulting thing. While I was there, I ran into the guy from last night who saw me out with one of my partners and managed to clear it up without outing myself.
This then turned into lots of champagne for both my friend and for managing to get away with this, some celebratory pizza, and a nap at like 8 PM facedown on my floor.
So, ah, I’m clearly adulting just as well, thank you.
So much love in one picture.
Is that me?
I think that’s me.
Someone who I don’t feel like I owe the whole “I’m non-monogamous” explanation to caught me out with one of my partners last night.
This is something I’ve worried about for a while.
My anxiety is totally triggered over it because I hardly want it getting around my program that I’m cheating on my boyfriend or whatever. I don’t feel like I owe this person, who isn’t even my friend, an explanation. Or some of the other people that he might tell because he’s kind of a piece of shit.
So, ugh. Poly problems.
Or partners.
ChatVanilla, Monogamous Friend: So what do I call the people who aren’t your boyfriend? Dates? Lovers?
Me: Slaves.
I tease Pup a lot that he went on his first date with a butt.
My profile picture on FetLife, which I essentially only use to keep track of people that I’ve met at munches and who I don’t quite feel comfortable enough to give my phone number to, is of my butt. It’s a pretty similar angle to this gifset.
What can I say? I didn’t want to incriminate myself by posting my face, but I wanted something besides a question mark in the profile picture. So, my butt.
I first met Pup for all of a minute at a munch back in August. I honestly spent more time talking to his girlfriend and her secondary than I did to him. It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested in him or that I was particularly interested in his other partners, but when he added me on FetLife after the munch was like, “sure, okay, yeah, I kind of remember you?”
I later found out that this was mostly his girlfriend’s doing, in an effort to try to get him to both branch out and ask me out. But, when the initial messages came through, I figured he was probably just creepin’ on my butt pic. His girlfriend had been simultaneously messaging me, and so I was also concerned that they were unicorn hunting, but apparently this was also an effort on her part to try to get the two of us to hang out.
So, I agreed to go out for coffee, mostly because not much else was going on that week. I honestly barely remembered what he looked like. I was worried that he actually thought I was worthlessrapemeat, because the two of us had been cutely hanging all over each other all night and we’ve got some similar attributes, and my silly insecurities made me think that when I showed up, he’d be disappointed that I wasn’t her.
In order to feign nonchalance, I turned up late. Fortunately, he hadn’t confused me with WRM. Fortunately, he was actually really nice and good-looking and a good conversationalist. But, yeah, I still mocked him about only asking me out because he saw a butt on the Internet he liked.
Ironically, he turned out to be working part-time at that shitty diner where I outed myself as poly to my friend to get some money on the side while he finished his degree.
My friends now jokingly call him the name of the diner when referencing him, which I guess implies three things:
- Stuff with Pup worked out well after the first date.
- I’m out to most of my friends now.
- I’ve got a lot to fill you all in on.
At the end of our second date, Nilla asked me if he was too vanilla for me. I laughed, because the question was kind of silly.
I guess because I mess around with Flint sometimes and I’m a kinky girl, he assumed that I only gravitated to kinky people when looking for partners. Which is, I understand, how some kinky people navigate non-monogamy and partner-finding.
But let me lay out our second date for you:
- He picked me up and brought me to his place.
- We took a few bong rips and watched The Muppets, which was the best thing to do.
- When I said I didn’t want to have sex right away, he asked instead if he could go down on me. To which I was like, uhhh, yeah.
- He was really good at that. Like, I mean, full-on loving the pussy good at it. Like, way beyond spelling the alphabet with his tongue good at it. Like, enthusiastic, game-changingly good at it.
- When I sucked his cock, he actually murmured, “how do you even do that?” at one point which might be the best testimonial ever.
So, no, when a guy grabs my hips, throws me down and makes sweet face-love to my pussy, he is not too vanilla for me.
I was on my first date with Nilla when it happened. We were walking down the street. He was holding my hand. We rounded a corner and bumped into my friend, hair tied on top of her head, yoga mat under her arm.
“Hey,” she said.
We both greeted her and as we walked away, trying to hide my panic, I asked if Nilla knew her. He didn’t.
Once I had gotten home, I quickly called her up and asked if she wanted to get a cup of coffee. I wanted to explain why I had been walking around holding a guy’s hand who wasn’t my boyfriend’s and I realized that I would probably have to out myself to her if I wanted to genuinely address what she had seen. She said we could meet that evening.
The rest of the day, I was nervous. By the time we got together, I’d rehearsed a thousand versions of my explanation. Recently, I’d been at a party and kissed a cute girl in front of a friend, who called me a week later to say she wasn’t sure how to respond to the fact that she’d seen me cheat on my boyfriend. I’d explained to her our situation, and she was supportive, even saying that the nature of our relationship proved its strength.
But this particular friend I had barely known a year. I wasn’t sure how she would react. With nothing to lose but maybe some respect, I was honest. The cafes were full, so we met up at a place that could best be described as half-assed stoner fast food. Nervous and a little disgusted, I barely touched what I ordered.
“Oh,” she replied and shrugged, “you two looked happy. Does your boyfriend see other people, too?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Cool,” she said. And that was the end of that.
I first met Nilla when I accidentally flashed him while showing Flint a bruise he’d given me on my breast. Of course, I was only about 500% embarrassed about that.
The second time, I met up with him, Flint and one of their mutual partners, the Librarian, for drinks. We had a fun evening, but at the end of the night we went our separate ways. But, while I was sucking Flint’s cock that night, he got a text from Nilla and replied with an explanation of what I was up to. I blushed like crazy.
The third, we ended up hanging around and I whined about how it’s been too long that I’ve been spit-roasted and Flint pointed out that my dress was a little see-through and I started blushing like crazy all over again. Flint tried to initiate something, having me walk ahead of them while they discussed me. We were both coming down with the same cold, and we were both feeling a little awkward when Flint basically suggested a threesome. I understood why he thought it might break the ice, but we both got shy.
The fourth happened because we both texted each other the night after the third saying we’d felt awkward and we both wanted to get to know each other a little better. Even though he had a flight the next evening, we made time to see each other in the morning. We had coffee and got to know each other. I learned he wasn’t terribly kinky, but that doesn’t bother me all that much. He’s good-looking and funny and we have very easy conversation.
Right before we said goodbye, he asked if he could kiss me. Finally, the context felt right.
For those of you who’ve asked what I’ve been up to lately.