brave

Being a Brave Girl, Part Six

About a week before I visited Sir, I had a tinychat. In that chat, somehow, I agreed to let Sir carry out one of his fantasies that had previously teetered between a hard and a soft limit. But, I wanted to let him try it and so I said I was game.

After we fucked, he brought me over to the shower and asked me if I still wanted to. I agreed and, nervously, squatted down on the floor of his shower.

“I can’t look.” I felt myself blushing and gazed away from him as he (oh god I can barely even write it) aimed. “Don’t do it on my face, okay?”

(Oh sheesh I can’t do this.)

(You guys get what happened right? Right? So I don’t have to say it, right?)

I squeezed my eyes shut and he pissed on my chest.

After he had finished, he told me how proud he was and what a good girl I was for letting him mark me like that. And I was proud of myself, too, but I stumbled up to my feet and asked him to just turn the shower on.

The entire time, he held me close, helped shampoo my hair, kissed my forehead over and over while I washed my body. I know he seems tough and he even admits he can be a “cruel bastard” sometimes (his words!). But, he can really be the sweetest and knows when to be gentle with me and always seems to know what I need.

And how he was in the shower was exactly what I needed after I’d been brave.

Being a Brave Girl, Part Two

When he took the first picture of me presenting, I couldn’t look at him.

“Come on, kitten,” Sir coaxed. “Look at the camera. Smile.”

Nervously, I turned my head and straightened my posture. But I couldn’t figure out how to hold my face. In the picture, I look anxious, unsure, like I’m trying hard to please but I’m not quite sure how. Still, he was proud of me.

He set the phone down and grabbed me by the hair, pulling me over a nearby chair so I was kneeling with my face buried in the seat.

“Wait here, girl. I’ll be back to use you in a minute.”

The door closed behind him. I was so excited I could barely keep still.

Being a Brave Girl, Part One

When we got back to his place, Sir made me lunch and served it to me on the floor of his bedroom. He took a seat nearby and ate his, watching me with a warm grin that made me almost feel proud to eat it like an animal. Still, I was cautious about getting my face dirty, as I always am.

So, I asked him to push me. He smiled and knelt down beside me, setting his plate aside.

“Go on, eat.” He said. I leaned down and, as I was easing some food into my mouth, he shoved my face into the plate. I’ve mentioned that he’s done this for me before. And that it’s hard for me to let go. But one day I’m hoping I’ll be able to be brave and not worried about getting my face messy and what that all implies.

When I finished, he wiped my face clean and held me close. “Now go get into position, girl. Present for me.”

I asked him today to take me to another dungeon sometime.

I promised – this time – I’d be braver.

He won’t stop teasing her until she asks for what she wants. Clearly, directly. Because he likes brave girls the best.

Be brave.

We’ve been getting deeper into our dynamic lately. I’ve tried to write about it a little here, but I haven’t been able to find a way to express the specific encounters. So, for now, it’s just abstractions and the fact that I want to be brave and I want to grow in this.

So, this weekend was super fun, guys and dolls (and everything in between).

On Saturday, I met up with some friends from college and celebrated a birthday. I got to see a ton of people I normally don’t get to and had a really awesome time, which culminated in a really absurd cab ride where we had loud, sloppy, tipsy conversations that warranted leaving a generous tip for the poor driver.

At the party, I had a really frank conversation with a guy friend of mine about kink and it turns out he’s a filthy bastard in the best way possible. I may have let slip about my tumblr (not the web address but the concept). But, he was totally cool about it and promised to keep it all hush hush.

Today, I got to spend the day with Craftsmate and I was a brave girl and told him about a super secret fantasy I’ve had that I’ve never told anyone about. And he was super proud of me and we had some pretty awesome sex during/as a result, so go me.

It’s a well-known fact that brave kitties get all the best stuff.

This week, I have been committing several small acts of bravery. I am moving past that which I have been anxious about and denied about myself. Tonight, I’m going to take a big step.

Wish me luck.

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