An Assignment

Sir ordered me to write a list and post it up on here, in addition to keeping a google doc where I could add to it when I thought of more. But, here it is so far. I think you can get an idea of the topic fairly easily:

I feel owned when we are in public and you reach over and just start playing with my hair.
I feel owned when you say “yes” – strangely, more than when you say “no” – maybe because I knew I would get it but I still had to ask.
I feel owned when I do the tasks you put on my calendar, especially when they’re menial, vanilla things like having to paint my nails every Thursday.
I feel owned when I put my hair up to go work out and your marks are on my neck.
I feel owned when you remind me that it’s my bedtime.
I feel owned when you call me “your girl.”
I feel owned when you have me plug myself before I see you and when you push on the handle of the plug through my clothes in public to make sure I followed your orders.
I feel owned when I get really subspaced and you know exactly how to take care of me and exactly how to push me deeper.
I feel owned when you kiss me sweetly right after you’ve fucked me hard.
I feel owned when I try to hide that I am into something or that I want something, but you know that I like it right away.
I feel owned when I realize that I have no secrets and I like it that way.
I feel owned when I almost call you “Sir” in a vanilla situation.
I feel owned when you make me cum so hard it’s almost embarrassing.
I feel owned when I catch myself fantasizing about collars with the kind of excitement and interest that I have never had for them before.
I feel owned when we’ve been messing around a bit and you find I’m soaking wet and ready for you. And then show me.
I feel owned when I remember that I don’t get to curate what you see of me, as you once told me, and I’m finally getting comfortable with that idea.

We’ve been getting deeper into our dynamic lately. I’ve tried to write about it a little here, but I haven’t been able to find a way to express the specific encounters. So, for now, it’s just abstractions and the fact that I want to be brave and I want to grow in this.

“I knew it like destiny, and at the same time, I knew it as choice.” – Jeanette Winterson, Lighthousekeeping.

It’s when you start looking forward to suffering, and when that suffering is sometimes more gratifying than pleasure, that you realize you might just be owned.

So, I am going to be writing more sexy prose on this tumblr than sexy memoir/personal experience. This is basically how it’s been going on here, but the personal content will be cut down.

I have decided to withdraw myself from the hookup scene for a little while. While I once found this aspect of my sexuality very freeing, it is right now not serving me the way it used to. This year has been rough for me. Some very close people to me have passed away, some issues have come up in my family, some relationships have been broken off or been strained and my academics are becoming incredibly difficult. While I am managing academically just fine, personally I have been under some duress. I do not want to be using my sexuality as a coping mechanism. It’s not healthy and it honestly ruins the experience.

Moreover, I have been debating some aspects of my relationship with the Southern Gentleman and how they are panning out. The issues are not of the nature of the material on this tumblr, so I will not be discussing them here. I am unsure if I want to continue a physical relationship with him.

However, I have left off of this tumblr the fact that I am owned. (Surpriseeee). Well, not entirely. There’s a lot of subtle hints, interactions, etc. We are not each others’ primaries, but I consider the relationship to be fairly healthy and admire him greatly as a friend and confidante. He has been incredibly supportive, flexible and kind through what has been going on. I may start to go a bit more into detail on my relationship with him on here. But, please don’t hold me to that.

With this in mind, I hope you’ll all still stick around. You’ll be getting most of the regularly broadcasted stuff, I promise. You’ve all really been supportive of me and, as I come up on the one-year anniversary of this tumblr, I am so grateful to have all of you here.

<3, Ivy

She belongs to him. Every inch. Every breath. Every sigh. His.