silly

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Back in the fall, I went apple picking with Pup and some of his friends. I had met a few in passing, but I’d never sort of been out with a non-primary partner’s friends as a “date.” I was a little nervous about sort of making a bad impression as the girl their friend was dating who already has a boyfriend, and I was a little scared too of being seen by people I knew. At the time, I still wasn’t out as poly to basically anybody.

We were having a lovely time, thankfully. His friends seemed to like me and I was having fun. While we were waiting for some cider, I took hold of Pup’s hand and noticed the scar on his thumb. “That’s healing up all right,” I said.

“Oh god,” his friend said. “You’re the girl he bled on?”

I blushed and shook my head. “Yeah, I’m the girl he bled on.”

“Woah,” another said. “We all just assumed that was the end of it. How did he even bounce back from that?”

So, yeah. I guess I’ll always be the girl he bled on. 

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[And to shift the perspective on leaving to a happier one]

Coming back home to fuck Pup like

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That Time Pup Was Celibate For a Little Bit, Part Two

I didn’t want to cross any boundaries or make stuff awkward, so I tried to give Pup space. However, this was a little impossible when he kept turning up everywhere. I encountered him on the street, on campus, on the way back from running errands. 

It’s really hard to maintain boundaries when the person won’t just disappear. Even harder when you’re attracted to them and you’re trying to be very good and you don’t want to get involved in their breakup sadness because you’ve got to take care of yourself, too. And it’s especially hard when your tendency is to want to care for other people, but this is just totally not the time or place.

So, when Pup asked me to join him to get coffee and study together, I decided to make sure we were in a public place where basic boundaries could be maintained. Because, yeah. You can’t say I didn’t try.

nevver:

Yes.

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I’ve discovered that when it comes to jealousy in non-monogamy, it boils down to whether or not I find the other person is too similar to me. 

If I’m like oh this individual represents something so totally different than what I am, I’m really fine with it because I’m like sweet I get it you just want some variety you go for that.

But when somebody’s got too much in common with me, I start to get concerned about the idea of being replaced. One of my biggest insecurities is the whole idea that my partners are going to find somebody slightly better than me and trade up. I know, it’s absolutely ridiculous, but it’s one of the silly places my head goes.

Last summer, Sir started seeing this girl and they got super into each other very fast. I was really happy for him, but I realized this was another blonde girl with some fairly similar kinks except, oh yeah, she was down for more degradation than I was. Even though now I think she’s a lovely person, I was kind of livid and frightened at first by the whole idea of them seeing each other.

Of course, I’m in no sense “recovered,” but I’m kind of happy that I at least know what the jealousy is centered on. Being able to identify it is the first step of getting rid of it, right?

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Tempted to turn this into a game where for every paper I grade, I get to write down one story for you all.

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Thank you for your support and patience through me posting Piss Shy. It dealt with some themes that I am super nervous about sharing on here, but you all were massively kind about it. 

Now comes the dilemma where my activities as of late have outpaced my writing speed. Which is totally a great problem to have.

So, you know, be patient as I try to catch up. I’ve got some fun stories on the way.

(Also, does anyone remember this show? It was absolutely absurd. I think I grew up to be Chicken. I don’t know how to feel about that.)

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dollyswitch:

Got temporarily trapped in this dress. It was scary.

I have lived this and this is the single most terrifying thing that can happen to a person.