I’ve discovered that when it comes to jealousy in non-monogamy, it boils down to whether or not I find the other person is too similar to me.
If I’m like oh this individual represents something so totally different than what I am, I’m really fine with it because I’m like sweet I get it you just want some variety you go for that.
But when somebody’s got too much in common with me, I start to get concerned about the idea of being replaced. One of my biggest insecurities is the whole idea that my partners are going to find somebody slightly better than me and trade up. I know, it’s absolutely ridiculous, but it’s one of the silly places my head goes.
Last summer, Sir started seeing this girl and they got super into each other very fast. I was really happy for him, but I realized this was another blonde girl with some fairly similar kinks except, oh yeah, she was down for more degradation than I was. Even though now I think she’s a lovely person, I was kind of livid and frightened at first by the whole idea of them seeing each other.
Of course, I’m in no sense “recovered,” but I’m kind of happy that I at least know what the jealousy is centered on. Being able to identify it is the first step of getting rid of it, right?