Sir: I’m coming home now and I’ll marinade the meat. How hungry are you?
Me: Not that hungry.
Sir: Want to fuck?
Me: Haha sure let’s fuck.
Sir: While it sits in marinade for like 30 min.
Me: Lol I hope you mean the pork and not your dick.
Sir: Pork: what I want to eat and what I want to do.
Me: Oh God.
chat
In Which My Vanilla Friends Take Me On My Terms, Part 1
ChatFriend: You okay? You keep holding your bag away from your chest.
Me: Oh, I got my nipples pierced on Sunday.
Friend: *looks shocked*
Me: *prepares for a lecture*
Friend: Before TRAVELING?
Sir: Go make a post about Old Ironsides.
Me: Please stop calling my butt that.
Re: consensual nonconsent
ChatSir: Well, you’re just asking for it.
Me: How am I asking for it?
Me: Besides specifically asking you for it.
Me: I think one of the first purchases I am going to make once I’m like done with grad school and settled in wherever is a really good iron.
Sir: My cock just twitched.
Me: I’m missing you.
Sir: I miss you.
Me: OH MY GOD THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IS OUTSIDE
Me: OH MY GOD
Me: But I’m in my underwear
Me: NOOOOOOO
Sir: You are such a little girl, it’s not even funny.
Because I’m a dork.
ChatMe: Am I a good cocksucker?
Sir: You’re a great cocksucker.
Me: Am I the best cocksucker?
Sir: Uh huh.
Me: Good. Because, I wanna be the very best.
Sir: You are.
Me: …like no one ever was.
Sir: (shakes head)
Me: To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause.
Sir: Sweetheart, you’re too silly.
Me: Ugh, being a grownup is a lot.
Me: My phone keeps trying to autocorrect grownup to frowny pie.
Daddy: Frowny pie?
Me: Being a grownup is being a frowny pie.
No Hard Feelings
ChatSir: You’re being too much of a mom.
Me: Well you’re not being enough of a Daddy, soooooo.
(Edit: Please know Sir is not a Daddydom and all of this was in total jest and in no way an insult to his domming style. <3)
Me: I miss Chinese food so much.
Sir: Aww, baby, I miss you, too.
Me: I said I missed Chinese food, but I guess I miss you, too.