secretary – Ivy

It’s hard sometimes negotiating dynamics.

So, Craftsmate and I are involved in what can be considered a “vanilla” relationship (boyfriend-girlfriend) and a kinky BDSM (chocolate?) dynamic. And I’m happy about both of these. But sometimes we have trouble finding a balance, if that makes any sense. I feel like it’s the basic Secretary-style problem of “we can’t do this everyday”/“why not?” sort of problem, except both of us seem to embody both of those opinions at once.

So, I guess I’m soliciting some of you guys here: how do you do it? Most of my relationships either had very bedroom-only BDSM dynamics and several of my “serious” BDSM arrangements have not been with primary partners. Sometimes, it’s hard to figure out where one dynamic ends and the other begins.

Contributions, anecdotes and advice would all be appreciated. You guys seem to have it together, so lay some wisdom on me.

Craftsmate and I play a little game like this.

“In one way or another I’ve always suffered. I didn’t know why exactly. But I do know that I’m not so scared of suffering now. I feel more than I’ve ever felt and I’ve found someone to feel with. To play with. To love in a way that feels right for me. I hope he knows that I can see that he suffers too. And that I want to love him.” – from the film Secretary.

It’s this sort of tenderness amidst the violence. The calm in the eye of the storm. The sudden closeness from the cold distance. The unity in the hierarchy. That’s why I keep at this crazy game I play.

She filled the position of secretary thinking it would be a little job between jobs. It would just be something she did before the next good thing came along. She would put in as much as needed to get her weekly paycheck as she stole glances at the classifieds each morning over coffee in the lounge.

She won’t leave now. She can’t. Not by his force, which certainly permeates other aspects of her life in the most delightful ways, but out of her own desire to belong. It wasn’t in the job description. It was the best part of the job.

He teaches, she learns. He gives, she takes, she gives back, he takes joyously. He cares. He nurtures. He understands. And tonight, she’s going to meet her, which will constitute more teaching, more learning, more sharing. They’ll call it working overtime.

debbie-does-detroit:

NELL 2.0

I am so not cut out for the real world if it isn’t.

retrogasm:

Don’t forget kids… Friday is Casual Sex Day…

How you can expect me to dress when I come to work for you, Dacry darling.

Has this been an issue for me with partners in the past? Hell to the yeah. Terms are always a weird topic to go over. You feel so vulnerable presenting what you want. You’re not even sure it’s what you want half the time and you keep going over it in your head wondering if you can handle that or if that isn’t nearly enough. Terms of any kind of relationship are that way, I suppose. But when it comes to something of this nature, its “tabooness” and the associated discomfort factor in a lot. The emotional drain. The urges. The constant fluctuation of libido. The interplay of intention (for sexual gratification, for fun, for power, for love). It’s all a lot to handle.

inherkissitastetherevolution:

gpoy.

Back in high school, I used to keep my mild obsessive-compulsive tendencies in order by growing and tending plants on the shelf by the kitchen window. I kept on top of those bitches like crazy. I trimmed them with these little scissors, I watered them just so, I repotted when needed.

I re-watched Secretary recently and noticed that Mr. Grey was a bit of a nut about his plants, too. Even more meticulous than I. Which got me thinking, “hm, do I have a mild dominant streak that I take out on potted plants?”

Nah. I’m just anal.

It was one of the first things he said to me when he met me. Once he was really deeply into the lifestyle, I made him sit down with me and watch Secretary. When this part rolled around, I got chills.