pup

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Two nights ago, something pretty crappy happened with my family. It was totally out of left-field and never something I had imagined would ever happen. I’m still kind of reeling from it, but I’m doing a lot better that I thought I would be, all things considered.

But when I learned about it, I had a pretty massive panic attack. I have anxiety, and this stuff happens, but I’ve never had one this bad. My whole body was shaking, I wasn’t saying the right words. Given the circumstances, it was a “natural” reaction, but it was still incredibly frightening.

I was about to go to bed when I found out and I started texting Sir frantically. He was able to calm me down somewhat, and I was so grateful for him for being so understanding and gentle during the whole thing. It’s one of the reasons I love him so much and why I believe he’s such a keeper.

The next morning, I found out from Pup that he’d tried to get in contact with him. Pup was, understandably, asleep. When I asked Sir about it, he said that because he wasn’t able to care for me in person, he wanted to send someone over who could.

Even my therapist, who is a bit of a non-monogamy skeptic sometimes, was incredibly impressed like this. It shows that Sir trusts his place in my life to the degree that sending over another man to comfort me wouldn’t feel threatening. It shows that he also trusts Pup and me, as well as respecting the dynamic we’re building. It was just this really amazing, really selfless gesture that demonstrated that Sir totally prioritized my feeling safe and comfortable over the hierarchy of our non-monogamy. 

In light of all the crap that went down, there’s my silver lining. I realized that our non-monogamy has matured so much in the last year and that we really, really do trust each other.

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In the kink community, I don’t go by my real name. There’s a number of reasons. But, one of the strongest is the fact that several of the people who regularly attend munches are undergraduates at the institution I teach at. While I feel relatively safe with this group, I’d rather not put my job at risk.

A lot of people in the community don’t use their names either, and there’s no issue with it. But, one tiny problem is the fact that people like Pup have met me under a real-sounding but totally false name. I just felt better going by a normal name as opposed to Sprite or Dolly or something. So, it can be easy to just assume that the name I use is my real name.

After the whole Jenga fiasco, Pup asked me out to get some lunch and try to diffuse the awkward. That afternoon, I was running a little late (I couldn’t pick out an outfit, sue me) and he ended up showing up while I was half-dressed. I managed to throw myself together and let him in, but then I couldn’t find my keys and as I was wandering my apartment I said, “get your shit together, Ivy” except by Ivy I mean I used my real-ass name.

We just kind of stared at each other for a minute before I said, “so, yeah, that’s my name.” I then told him Sir’s real name, which was a relief and made everything easier because the name Sir uses in the scene is Pup’s real name. 

“Well, now we’re both assholes,” I said as we walked to lunch, “you bled on me and I used a fake name. So, we’re even.”

Pup laughed, “don’t worry about it.”

We had a nice lunch, and afterwards Pup asked if I wanted to go back to his place. I sent Sir a text making sure it was all right if I played with Pup, and the two of us walked back to his apartment. 

When we got to his bedroom, he asked if I wanted to have sex, and I explained that Sir and I had a whole arrangement about that, I’d like to get to know him better first, and that it would require me discussing it with Sir in something longer than a text. 

“That’s fine,” Pup said, “I’ll just take some time to learn you.”

What he learned pretty quickly is that I’m super sensitive to biting, even though I like it. The next day, I’d found a few tooth imprints on my shoulder. 

And what I had learned, or at least was pretty surprised to discover, was that Pup could make me cum surprisingly fast with his fingers. Which is strange, because usually I have a little trouble cumming with new partners because I get nervous. But, somehow, I was suddenly cumming before I even was aware that I was going to.

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Can we discuss the fact that the real (ok not really) casualty of the accidental bloodplay Jenga evening was actually my famous semi-sheer dress?

I wore it with some really cute lingerie underneath (gotta be prepared) that blended in with the pattern just enough and Sir kept joking about what a little slut I was. 

Well, during the whole mess, my dress wound up getting irreparably torn. 

So, yeah, Pup has a scar on his thumb and the see-through dress is now a dishrag. Siiigh.

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One of my favorite things about tumblr is the fact that I’ve made some really amazing friends on here. And one of which, the lovely mirrorscape, got into a cute conversation with me about a dirty version of Jenga inspired by Ashe Maree’s adorable Jenga gifset. Over the summer, I received a package from her, only to find she freaking MADE ME A DIRTY JENGA GAME.

Every block had a special task to do (she’d even consulted Sir for ideas!) and there were cute punishments for toppling the tower. Of course, the rules required consent, but in the absence of having fun consenting partners when this arrived back in the spring, it ended up just sitting on a shelf.

That is, until Pup and his girlfriend came over to hang out with Sir and I, and we ended up pouring some drinks and playing Dirty Jenga.

At the time, I’d only been out on two dates with Pup and I was still rather shy. What’s more, I’d never introduced Sir to one of my partners in my new city before, and I was totally worried about people actually getting along. And, on top of all that, I was fairly sure Pup’s girlfriend and I were on all right terms, but I was still kind of nervous navigating a friendship with a potential partner’s primary. 

But, the game ended up being sufficiently fun and only about 15% awkward. A lot of the time, it was just the couples doing stuff to each other because we’re super boring and shy like that. At one point, I had to suck Southern Comfort out of Sir’s navel which is disgusting and honestly if you’re going to take a body shot out of somebody’s bellybutton pick something a little less saccharine and awful. 

However, by the time we restacked the tower and went in for another round, we started getting a little braver. I got to slap Pup, which put this glint in his eyes that made me get all scared when I had to get slapped in return, but thankfully Pup’s girlfriend did the honors. I ended up getting spanked by Sir, then bit-gagged (wah), and Pup wound up getting blindfolded (but I think he was totally peeking whatever).

The third time around, I toppled the tower and got hogtied. I was super bashful about the whole thing and ended up hiding my face in Sir’s lap, and I wish that this is where stuff got majorly hot but instead this is where stuff got weird. Sir had used a ziptie to attach my wrists to my ankles, and Pup went to slice it off with his pocketknife when I started to get a little sore.

Suddenly, I felt something wet and warm on my back through my dress and I heard Pup’s girlfriend start freaking out. I wasn’t sure who’d been hurt, but we’d all been drinking a little bit and a knife legitimately should not have been brought out at this point (yes, this post is now a lecture on BDSM and safety).

Bottom line: Pup cut his thumb and had to get a couple of stitches. My dress somehow got ripped in the chaos that ensued. There was blood on the floor in my kitchen and, yeah, it was kind of the weirdest night ever.

So be safe, guys. Seriously.

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Last night, I brought one of my best friends in my “vanilla” circle to a munch.

I was super nervous about the whole thing. I’d never truly mixed those two friend groups before besides bringing Pup to a party once. So, I wasn’t sure what she’d make of my kinky friends, and I wasn’t sure if this was too much throwing her into the fire after she’d admitted to me that she might be a switch and wanted to see the community.

However, she held her own wonderfully. I did my best to sort of shield her from some of the creepier dudes, so she ended up hitting it off with (what I consider to be) some of the best people I know in that community.

She was also super, super tolerant of the more relaxed attitudes towards overt sexuality that the group has. She didn’t flinch when worthlessrapemeat showed off some of her photographs, and even offered some of her own (!!!!) up to the group.

But the highlight of the evening was probably when we were talking to some people about preferences (I had to cutely remind her that the word she was looking for was “switch”) and I identified as, “about 99% submissive.” Her jaw dropped and she exclaimed rather loudly, “YOU’RE the sub? With him?” He pointed to Pup and I nodded. Suddenly, her eyes got even wider. “With…with CRAFTSMATE?!”

“You know,” I teased Pup, “she thought you’re my sub. Maybe she’s onto something.”

Later on, Pup ended up showing her (with my permission) a photo of me tied up on my bed. (Yeah I know I’ve got to catch you guys up on him and I. Patience!) I was clothed, curled up and my face was covered by my hair, so it wasn’t quite blushy enough to make me die on the spot. She smiled and looked over at me, “it’s so different to see you like that. It’s kind of nice.”

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I’m bringing one of my (comparatively) vanilla friends to a munch tomorrow. We were hanging out the other night and she asked if she could come along. 

She’s a little bit kinky, but I’ve never mixed friend groups like this before aside from bringing Pup to a party once. 

I’m just a little bit worried my silly, wild, boundary-blurring kinky friends are going to freak her out a little. But also a little hopeful they do, maybe?

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I was super nervous about introducing Sir to Pup when he visited back at the end of August. 

First, there’s always some awkwardness about being like “hello person I’m in a relationship with meet this person I’ve started dating a little.” Not to mention the fact that in the past there’s been a little awkwardness about authority and whatnot.

Second, Pup and I had just come off of a really awesome second date. I mean, probably the second best second date I’ve ever had besides the one I had with Sir (which was stellar). It was just one of those really crazy nights whose elements sort of fell together almost eerily perfectly. We decided to go to an arcade and play around like children, and on the way we found a twenty on the ground. While playing a few rounds of pool, we discovered we had really good chemistry. Afterwards, as we took a walk and were just talking, we passed what looked like the most comfortable couch ever that had just been left out on the sidewalk. I was looking for a new couch, and this one matched my freaking living room. So, we ran back to my place, I kicked off my heels and threw on sneakers, and we ended up carrying the couch to my apartment. Then, we made out on the couch, which ended up being super comfy even if it was missing one of its back legs (oh well, I’ve got it up against a wall.)

So, yeah, I’d just had this really great night with him and I didn’t want to make things weird by bringing my boyfriend/owner into that situation. But, I wanted to bring Sir to the munch to introduce him to my friends in the kink community there. And Pup was going to be there with his girlfriend. 

When Sir and I walked in, Pup and his girlfriend were hanging out right by the entrance. I got a little sidetracked because of course someone in my freaking graduate cohort had to be there (GAH) so I cleared up that situation as quickly as possible (it’s cool, guys.) And, when I turned around, I saw Sir talking to Pup and his girlfriend. They were all smiling and everything seemed at ease. I was so relieved. 

Of course, I immediately started blushing when Sir told me to tell them about how he’d taught me how to ride a bike just a year ago and I got all embarrassed and went to soft-shoe it out of there and then accidentally almost knocked over Pup’s drink because I’m the most awkward person on the entire planet.

And then I blushed again when I realized that Pup and Sir were kind of both flanking me while we were talking to other people and, after I’d pointed it out, they both put an arm around me. My cheeks were actually burning.

“Aw, look at you,” Sir teased. “How’s that make you feel?”

“Shut up,” I pouted.

Pup squeezed my hip, “no, I think you should tell us how that makes you feel.”

On the way out, Sir mentioned that he really liked Pup and his girlfriend, and as we said our goodbyes, we made plans for a double date before Sir headed back home.

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Current status.

(I lead a charmed life, tumblr.)

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I tease Pup a lot that he went on his first date with a butt.

My profile picture on FetLife, which I essentially only use to keep track of people that I’ve met at munches and who I don’t quite feel comfortable enough to give my phone number to, is of my butt. It’s a pretty similar angle to this gifset. 

What can I say? I didn’t want to incriminate myself by posting my face, but I wanted something besides a question mark in the profile picture. So, my butt. 

I first met Pup for all of a minute at a munch back in August. I honestly spent more time talking to his girlfriend and her secondary than I did to him. It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested in him or that I was particularly interested in his other partners, but when he added me on FetLife after the munch was like, “sure, okay, yeah, I kind of remember you?”

I later found out that this was mostly his girlfriend’s doing, in an effort to try to get him to both branch out and ask me out. But, when the initial messages came through, I figured he was probably just creepin’ on my butt pic. His girlfriend had been simultaneously messaging me, and so I was also concerned that they were unicorn hunting, but apparently this was also an effort on her part to try to get the two of us to hang out.

So, I agreed to go out for coffee, mostly because not much else was going on that week. I honestly barely remembered what he looked like. I was worried that he actually thought I was worthlessrapemeat, because the two of us had been cutely hanging all over each other all night and we’ve got some similar attributes, and my silly insecurities made me think that when I showed up, he’d be disappointed that I wasn’t her.

In order to feign nonchalance, I turned up late. Fortunately, he hadn’t confused me with WRM. Fortunately, he was actually really nice and good-looking and a good conversationalist. But, yeah, I still mocked him about only asking me out because he saw a butt on the Internet he liked.

Ironically, he turned out to be working part-time at that shitty diner where I outed myself as poly to my friend to get some money on the side while he finished his degree. 

My friends now jokingly call him the name of the diner when referencing him, which I guess implies three things:

  1. Stuff with Pup worked out well after the first date.
  2. I’m out to most of my friends now.
  3. I’ve got a lot to fill you all in on.