Holy hell. Murakami is my absolute favorite author. I just can’t even. I don’t know if I have it in me to disrespect him enough by knocking over these books to get to the lady, but damn.
Bring me Murakami, I will make love to you. Discuss Murakami with me intelligently, I will marry you. Tell me how the absurd, fantastical conflict in Hardboiled Wonderland and the End of the World affected you in a very real way and I will never, ever let you out of my sight. Ever.
Truth be told, I am the queen of pouting when it comes to being punished. Some find it endearing. Others, not so much.
“This wasn’t just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.”
— Dorothy Parker
Uh huh.
(I’m just gonna pretend that’s Annie Clark in the back there.)
Remember the last time we played in a bathroom? asks Jane
Lets not get caught this time says emily.
She came up behind me in the ladies toilet and slipped her hands inside
Ivy and I get up to all sorts of good stuff, don’t we baby?
No. No way. That is Ashton Kutcher, is it not? No way.
No way does the guy who comes out giggling after creating a fake physiological ambush on a celebrity manage to pull that kind of sexy. I refuse to accept it. It’s not him. It can’t be. It must be his evil twin or something.
Do this to me? Please?
this.gif.unf.
I suppose one day I’ll have to get to my car exhibitionism story. Maybe. If you ask nicely.
This picture should do it for me. It’s got James Deen. It’s got James Deen pinning a girl’s arms behind her back. It’s got James Deen in a suit. It’s got James fucking Deen.
It’s got scissors (two knives hinged together). It’s got a cute little tattoo. It’s got clothing being sliced off. Mmm.
But, oh, come on, sewing scissors? Where are your garden shears? Maybe I’m too picky when it comes to porn, but I love it when the little details are just perfect.
That little brat.
By the look on her face, she had been told not to wear those shoes again and she had seen it as a welcome opportunity to earn some punishment. She’s one of those, the kind who misbehave for the sake of receiving the spankings and attention they crave. She had positioned herself on the floor there on purpose, knowing her Master would pass by on his way to the kitchen.
But, today, he’s sick of her behavior. He’s tired of the control that she holds, the hand that she has in when she receives his attention. She thinks she can steer from the backseat, but the brat’s earned herself a spot in the trunk, to be neglected and ignored.
Not literally. To give her the satisfaction of throwing her in the trunk would be far too good to her. Instead, he’ll just ignore her. He’ll go about his business until she, upset and confuse, cannot handle the neglect. She’ll come to him humbled, willing to show complete obedience. No more deliberate provocation, no more brattiness.
And only then would she fully be his.
These old things? Totally for everyday wear!
It does save the gasoline that would fill those leaf-blowing tractors. How are you going green?
Grinding the leaves off the path.
Dear Woman with the Sexy Sleeve,
Clearly this entire dispute could have been avoided if your bottom bitch had asked nicely before taking one of your cupcakes. I can see it missing from the container. I can also see the messy girl left a little bit of frosting on the table.
I imagine you’re probably browsing the market now for a new slut. I have some wonderful references who can confirm that a) I won’t steal your cupcakes and b) I won’t make a mess. This is mostly because I will be eating said cupcakes off of you, provided you grant me permission.
As a bonus, I also am classy enough to avoid making the cupcake-muffin-vagina joke that’s begging to be made from that. But, yes, I’ll eat your muffin, too.
Thank you for your time and attention. You’ll find my resumé and references attached.
Sincerely,
Ivy
I have always liked that particular gesture. Bend her over and grab her cunt — “Mine!”.
Dear Mr. Grey,
While I understand my placement on academic probation does not put me in particularly good graces with the administration of the Grey Academy, I do have a few concerns about my pairing with Heart in your new mentoring program.
While I do find her to be a fine role model, her reputation does seem proceed her and she certainly lives up to it, perhaps even exceeds it. Moreover, although I am truly grateful for this opportunity, I do find her methods to be, to say the least, a bit unorthodox.
Thank you for your time and attention.
Sincerely,
Ivy