“Do you love me enough that I may be weak with you? Everyone loves strength, but do you love me for my weakness? That is the real test.” – Essays in Love by Alain de Botton.
flowers
Last bit of cheesiness:
Sir and I took a little bit to understand how the other expresses their feelings and wants to see the other manifest that sort of stuff. I’m a nut about punctuality and plans, and I consider a lack of either to demonstrate a lack of interest. Sir is more about intention and sincerity than the details, which is what I cling to. We drive each other nuts.
One thing we disagreed about was giving flowers. Sir said they were super impractical and didn’t last very long. I insisted it was the gesture that mattered and that they could totally be preserved. Otherwise, he was mostly sweet about gifts and tried his damned hardest to put in a bit more planning to spare my anxiety.
After what was probably our worst disagreement, Sir and I were supposed to go to a formal. I went to a friend’s to do my makeup and stayed a little later, assuming he wouldn’t be punctual anyway. I was anxious because some of my feelings were still a little raw. But, as I turned the corner to my door, I saw him standing there: on time and with a rose. It was what the gesture actually meant that mattered most to me.
I promise I’ll get back to writing about him putting things in my butt soon.
So, I had an interview for a part-time job while I’m here for grad school to make some money on the side.
Guess who got hired on the spot?
(And I’ve got another interview tomorrow for another position, but this certainly takes some pressure off.)
For the past week or so, I’ve basically had this thing running on a queue. Because my life’s been pretty hectic, but in a lot of good ways. I graduated, moved home for the summer and just about none of that has even begun to sink in.
So, I hope you’ve all been well and I promise to be more of a presence around here once reality catches up with me.
Kinky
I know Ms. Ellie/belliehops isn’t always too enthused when the porn/sex blogs of tumblr reblog her but I hope she’ll forgive me because oh my gracious.
Gasp – Ellie
shot by Allan Fredrick
Teehee.
You know, what spring does and all.
That is what you want to do, isn’t it?
So, this swimsuit is now a mission.
And you’re all on it, followers.
I was jaded. I didn’t believe in love at first sight. But, I don’t need take this thing out to dinner to realize that I need to spend the rest of my life with it.
And, so, you’re all on a mission now tumblr: Unite me with my love. Seriously, figure out where I can find this swimsuit.
I might even post a picture of myself in the darn thing if you do.
Please don’t hold me to that, but yeah. Find this suit.
It’s difficult when you’ve grown so used to submitting to someone and then, suddenly, you’re not. A balance is thrown.
Specifically to that person, there’s still a sort of deference you afford them. There’s something very much “there” that is sometimes difficult to just let lie. Because these things become forces of habit and suddenly your signals are completely crossed.
Generally, it’s just difficult not to have that dynamic. I don’t want to say I’m just hardwired to submit to people, but there is something about it that makes me very happy and feel very secure. Beyond the sexual aspect of it, the psychological level is incredibly powerful. And it’s hard to sit there sometimes and think you’d like to be serving someone but it’s just not happening for you right now.
I’ve noticed quite a few of you lamenting on here recently over a bdsm relationship that just ended and I send my condolences and best wishes. Because I know how it feels. I’m there right now and everything’s just a little off-balance.
Let me tell you a thing or two about deliberate provocation, sweetpea.