Gearing up for the last, longest leg of my trip to see Sir. 

This has always been one of my poly feelings songs – “How do I know I can come and give to you/love with no warning and find you alone?” – and it feels all the more appropriate and applicable for what’s ahead of me.

Facts are that I haven’t seen Sir in four months now. We’ve been contending with time zones, with both being extremely busy, with other relationships and obligations. And for as sure as I am that this is just the anxiety that comes with hopping on a plane to fly around the world and see someone, with all the expectation and stakes involved, it’s hard not to worry of all that could go wrong. 

That lyric’s always stuck with me because it’s impossible: there’s absolutely no way to know. There’s absolutely no guarantee, and it’s as unreasonable as most of the great love proclamations people say so readily they’ve lost their absurdity under idiom – never let me go, don’t ever leave my side, etc. And so I know arriving will probably be a little awkward, things may not go as seamlessly at first as you want to expect.

But I know I love the crap out of this person. Despite being exhausted and having a massive flight still ahead of me, I’m excited to see him.