Sir’s Valentine’s Day present to me was pizza-related because duh.
relationship
“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince.
He leaves very early tomorrow morning.
I am so, so proud of him.
But that doesn’t mean this doesn’t still sting.
I’m leaving Sir’s place tonight after being here for about three weeks.
It wasn’t totally easy. There were wonderful days and there were days when I found myself sitting there wondering what the hell was happening to us. But mostly there were the times I would look over at him and just be so grateful to be here with him.
A lot of the unpleasantness hinged on something he’s mentioned on his blog but I’ve struggled to write about here. Sir got an amazing opportunity and is leaving the country for a long while. I am so proud of him and I want him to do this, but it is obviously going to be very difficult on our relationship. It makes a lot of stuff uncertain. And as someone with anxiety, I can’t do uncertainty. So a lot of this visit has involved the tough conversations we’ve both been putting off.
This is the last day I’ll see him before he goes abroad in about three weeks. I’ll probably be kind of a mess for a little while, so please be patient with me.
But I want to end this post by saying that one thing we always returned to is that there’s something special and important and undeniable between us. That’s what makes this whole thing so hard. But it’s also what makes it so rewarding when it works out.
I know, if we make it through this, we will never take each other’s presence for granted.
Me: *notices Sir liking everything*
Me: Are you reading my tumblr on the toilet?
Sir: No.
Sir: Yes.
Us, basically, two years ago.
Happy two years, love.
It’s great to have someone I can be 800% dork with.
It’s a typical evening where Sir’s trying to work from home and I’m buzzing around him and acting all little and bratty, like, “or you could just give me attention.”
There’s times with him where I feel like we’re both in on the most absurd, most hilarious joke ever. There’s times I glance across a room and we catch each others’ eyes and smile and just kind of understand. When I say it feels like a game, it mean to say that we’ve given ourselves our own set of rules.
Sir and I have the kind of goofy intimacy that reminds me why he’s my home base.
I’m coming back in twelve days, so I shouldn’t be such a big baby about this.
Sir’s in the shower right now, getting ready for work. I’m eating breakfast before I have to go catch my flight.
It always happens that just as we are falling into a routine, one of us has to go. It’s a little tiring. I’m so excited that the next few times I see him, it will be for three weeks and then for the better part of a summer.
But, the time in between is always so rough.