My dorm room has become a bit messy from the back to back deadlines I had. While I did some work on cleaning today, there’s still some stuff to be done.

But instead I am being a total brat and going out with friends instead. Sorry I’m not sorry.

That guy from my frat and I have a sort of banter going on, explains my friend. We’re interesting to watch, sometimes in a funny way and sometimes in a slightly painful way. We don’t always go easy on each other.

Today, he sat down with some friends of mine and I and we proceeded to go at it with each other. There’s something about someone who comes so close to being able to outwit me that incredibly turns me on. Intelligence is terribly, terribly sexy. So is confidence.

When he left, one of my friends threw his hands up in the air and cried out in frustration, “would you two just fuck already?”

Guess what I’m stuck thinking about now.

Sometime while I was out last night, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I assumed it was a text, but it vibrated again. It took my phone out. Blue was calling.

“What do you think this is about?” I showed my phone to our mutual friend.

He laughed, “probably a drunk dial. Take it. It could be funny.”

I answered my phone and Blue asked right away, “where are you right now?” I named off the place. “Great, great, I’ll be there in five minutes, don’t move.” He hung up. I gave my friend a knowing look and we started laughing.

“I think I’m being booty called,” I shook my head and put my phone away.

Blue came in a few minutes later and made a beeline to us. He was quick to get me over to the couch and start trying to talk me up. I was sober, amused. His breath was hot on my collarbone and his hands were gentle but intentioned, “I don’t know, I don’t get attracted to girls like I get attracted to you. It’s your confidence, your sexuality, the way you look, that damn freckle…”

It’s hard to pick out the sincerity from the alcohol and the ambition sometimes. It felt nice to hear him say those things and I wouldn’t be crushed if he were just saying them to get some, but come on. And then there was his hand, at my throat.

“What are you doing?”

Blue chuckled, “you told me you liked this.”

“Not in the front of the children,” I gestured to my friends and got up. A few minutes later, he was off talking up some guy.

I have no problem with the fact that I didn’t get any last night. And Blue later apologized for his incredibly drunken behavior.

But I wish things weren’t so blasé sometimes.

While I was out with some friends earlier, SG and I started texting. While I have decided to postpone any more physical stuff with him until certain things clear up, I’m not opposed to the occasional something in my texts.

He does this thing where he’s so condescendingly dominant. He’ll call me things like adorable in a mocking way when I try to playfully assert myself. It makes me blush and feel so positively turned on. He’ll just tease me and it’ll drive me right up the wall in the best way.

I was feeling kind of frisky so I kept egging him on. I have to learn, however, not to dish out more than I can take. When he threatens to follow through in that way he does, it tends to weaken my resolve.

Last night, a friend made some “special” brownies. (Yeah, yeah, I know the woman in the picture is smoking, but I couldn’t find any pictures of a cutie with brownies.) Although I’ve decided to give up smoking pot this year to do my lungs a favor, I’m not opposed to the occasional brownie.

Well.

I totally forgot I had band practice, mostly because I was just not up to going. However, now full of brownie and weed (seriously, two wonderful things), I managed to actually enjoy myself because I just felt awesome and it totally took my mind off some present circumstances that have been bothering me.

And, even better, although I felt like I was being an obvious mess, apparently I held myself together enough that when I told my friend afterwards that I was high as a kite, she was shocked. So, um, here’s to handling myself in public?

And here’s to special brownies: baked therapy.

Reconciled.

Remember how I told you all that I said something to that guy in my frat that may have even dashed our hopes at just friendship? Well, I’ve been reconciled, as one of my friends called it. Part of me is glad it’s been essentially resolved, part of me is sort of embarrassed about the whole thing.

Here are the facts:

That guy from my frat and I hooked up maybe two weeks ago. He came out with a group of friends and I and, after partying, he realized he’d left something of his in my room. We wound up messing around a little bit. Oops.
After a few days of just generally being awkward, I went out on that ill-fated night and wound up trying to essentially pick him up. Unfortunately, this did not alleviate the awkwardness and instead just made us more awkward. Exponentially more awkward.
I let some time pass and gave the situation room to breathe and, on Friday, we schedule to go get brunch together on Saturday to “reconcile stuff”. This will basically consist of me apologizing to him over and over, something he insists that I do not need to do.
I catch him out the night before reconciliation brunch and wind up drinking a little too much and, once again, trying to get him in my pants.
I literally do not know why I keep doing this. One, I’m not even that into him. Two, it’s totally screwing with the friendship. Three, it’s just making things harder on me and I know it. In the words of my friend, “I think drunk Ivy likes to give sober Ivy some adversity to overcome.” Great.
We go to brunch the next morning where I apologize profusely and, when I don’t apologize profusely, I make the most awkward conversation known to man. But, God, that kid is forgiving.

Moral of the story: Sometimes it’s just better to be friends with unfulfilled sexual tension.

I was out last night at a party for one of my friends. Among the guests there was her boyfriend, who I had not previously met for longer than a brief encounter as he is a recent graduate.

We wound up talking and I told him that I thought he and my friend looked sweet together. You know, stuff people say to be nice. So, out of the blue, he asks me in response, “do you have a boyfriend?”

I shrug. “Nope.”

“Why not?” He asked.

I blinked. “I just…don’t.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” he replied, “I’m sure you’ll find somebody soon.”

“I wasn’t under the impression I was worried,” I said.

So, as you guys all know, I don’t currently have a primary. Sometimes, that upsets me a little, especially when I’m exploring the grey area or people I’m with do have primaries and I sort of feel unsure of what to do to sort of match in that situation.

But, for God’s sake, this guy doesn’t know that. So he’s assuming I’m some poor single girl collapsing into the fact that I don’t have a man. And he thought that what he said would be encouraging. As if I am so dependent on other men’s approval of my availability that I would not assume that I was worthy of male attention unless he or someone similar provided reassurance.

Seriously. Come suck my dick. Sometimes being single sucks, but being told by people like you that I’m worthy of having a significant other makes you suck ten times harder.

Things I am stressed about today:

Last night, I accompanied my best friend out and may have allowed her to get a little wasted at a party. At one point in the evening, she pounced on me and tried to make out with me. I managed to wrestle her off, knowing she was totally not in the right state of mind, and she almost started crying because of some trouble with a guy she had been hooking up with. Awesome.
During the evening, I completely said the wrong thing to that guy from my frat and I am fairly sure I may have completely screwed things on even a friendship level there.
The evening ended in me, her, and her ex-boyfriend in a shouting match in the student center at three in the morning when she wanted to go home with him. He was absolutely awful to her and he got ultra-defensive when I asked her if she was going to be okay with this decision.
Today, I finally heard from her. She doesn’t remember last night, partially from being blackout drunk and partially because they had such violent sex her head knocked the headboard and she got a concussion.
When I told her what she did last night, not realizing she was just getting out of a hospital, she broke down crying and called herself the worst person on Earth.
I am now headed over to her room with cookies so we can sit around and bitch about men.

Seriously, tumblr, can I ever just catch a break?

New Year’s Eve: Part 4

So, maybe Pink was a little bit trashy. And maybe she wasn’t terribly intelligent or interesting. And maybe she made tacky jokes and had a trampstamp. And maybe, after kissing me at midnight, she very crudely described how much she was looking forward to eating my pussy. But, ugh, tumblr, sometimes I just do silly things for girls with pretty lips.

Walter and Drew seemed to be sharing the affections of the freckled hottie. She was funny, charismatic, absolutely lovely. And Freckles and I seemed to be having some interesting conversation as well when I suddenly heard a loud crash.

Pink had dropped a bottle and had glass in her hand. I rushed over, helped her out, cleaned her up, and found someone sober to take her home. As I was on my way back to join my friends, I was stopped by a guy I had not yet met.

“You’re a good person, you know,” he said, “not shallow at all.”

“Oh, if she was ugly, I wouldn’t have fussed,” I joked and extended a hand, “I’m Ivy.”

New Year’s Eve: Part 2

So, Walter’s actually a great guy.

The three of us were having such a blast together, talking and laughing and hanging around. We suddenly reached a point where he and I were just going back and forth like this.

Me: You’re just like…a great guy.

Walter: You’re a great girl.

Me: Aw, this kid! (turns to Drew, gestures to Walter) He’s a good guy!

Walter: She’s a really good girl!

Seriously. He’s so nice, so funny, and I cannot believe we only just started getting friendly now. Whew.