SG: So, when we get married-
Me: We’re not getting married.
SG: When we get married, I’m thinking we throw one of those sexy parties like the one in Monster.
Me: Like 80% of the people at that party were dead or completely mauled to pieces.
SG: Okay, fine. We take out the trash, cut our losses, deal with the remainder.
Me: Fear is a powerful aphrodisiac.
SG: So is Kanye.
During a conversation in which a good friend shared with me the status of his love life. And I, of course, reacted most maturely.
Him: I mean, stuff with (redacted) has been moving kind of slowly. But I’m seeing her tomorrow night, so it should be all good.
Me: (makes obscene gesture) Oh yeah?
Him: Yep.
Me: (noticing he has looked away) I like how you know not to look at me when we talk like this.
Him: You know what? I didn’t even realize I had. It’s practically subconscious at this point.
Me: God, why is that so hot?
Him: Because I’m good at this.
The Southern Gentleman: My frequency of listening to Stronger has drastically increased in the last few days. And it’s all your fault.
Me: Why is it my fault?
SG: You know that line “I’d do anything for a blonde dyke”?
Me: But I’m not a…
SG: Shhhh.
thefashiondontlivewithoutvogue:
“Blondshell!” – Vogue Germany June 2010
Me: How goes studying?
My bestie, A: Eh. I went to my boyfriend’s room last night and literally got nothing done.
Me: I get it. (puts up fingers in V, tongues at air)
A: No.
Me: Oops. My b. (pokes tongue into cheek while jerking invisible cock)
A: Sigh.
What happens when my favorite man on tumblr and my favorite woman on tumblr come together. Holy crap.