Me: So I kind of had dirty thoughts today at the gym about you, me and SG having a threesome.
Me: And you like fucking me hard from behind and directing him to fuck my face.
Craftsmate: Aww, look at that, Sweetheart wants all the attention from the boys.
Me: Hmph, stop.
Craftsmate: Aww, did I make your little cheekies red?
Me: Stop ittttt.
Craftsmate: Don’t think it’s gonna be easy like that for you. Just because there are two boys you think they’re both going to fuck you?
Me: Uh huh.
Craftsmate: Maybe we’re going to make you sit by the TV and spread your cunt.
Me: YOU’RE SO MEAN.
Craftsmate: And during the commercials we’ll take a few looks at your slutty hole all dripping wet with need.
Me: Nuh uh.
Me: It’s not fair.
Craftsmate: Yeah? Well, then you’d better dress the part. You know how slutty clothes can get you some attention.
Me: I’ll dress really slutty, I promise.
Craftsmate: But honestly I think the best role for you is to use you as a service slut to kneel on the floor while we drink and watch TV.
Me: It’s not fair. This was my fantasy.
Me: I want all the attention.
Craftsmate: Girls who are greedy for attention often end up with none at all.
chat
Craftsmate: Apparently there’s a nerve on the neck that slows heart rate when compressed, and there’s a very very low chance that it might stop the heart if you’re being choked.
Me: Wow, that’s something.
Craftsmate: Yeah and I thought breathplay safety was all just about the breath.
Me: All my fetishes are far too dangerous.
Craftsmate: Anyway, when you get the chance you should probably ask your physician to get you screened for risk because some people may be more susceptible.
Me: Risk for what?
Craftsmate: Choking-related risk.
Craftsmate: Hmm does [Ivy University] have a sports physician?
Craftsmate: You can be all like, “yo im thinking of getting into a martial arts that uses a lot of chokeholds, can you tell me if that’s safe for me”.
Me: …
Me: My life isn’t a real thing.
The Southern Gentleman: My frequency of listening to Stronger has drastically increased in the last few days. And it’s all your fault.
Me: Why is it my fault?
SG: You know that line “I’d do anything for a blonde dyke”?
Me: But I’m not a…
SG: Shhhh.
thefashiondontlivewithoutvogue:
“Blondshell!” – Vogue Germany June 2010
It’s good to be home.
ChatMy mother: No, you were a very sexy lady.
Me: (walking into the kitchen) Did you just call your mother hot?
My mother: Look at this old picture of your grandmother.
Me: Damn. Nevermind. You were bangin’.
My grandmother: Yep.