Sir had me edge myself three times today.
I whined to Flint about it, who then proceeded to make me edge three more times for complaining to him.
If anybody needs me, follow the puddles to where I’ll be pouting for eternity.
hmph
Sir is trying to change my nickname from “Sweetheart” to “Princess Dork” and I swear I am two seconds away from breaking up with him.
Me: Ugh, being a grownup is a lot.
Me: My phone keeps trying to autocorrect grownup to frowny pie.
Daddy: Frowny pie?
Me: Being a grownup is being a frowny pie.
Happy Belated Birthday.
StandardYou know, I felt bad for not sending you a message on your birthday, especially after the rather high standard I set for myself last year.
So I did some brainstorming with my cats who, incidentally, were curious about the removable nature of your tail and wondered why a kitty would want to be without her tail, like, ever… I tried to explain about the vibrating and the blah blah blah, but you can’t reason with cats.
So I did some brainstorming with my cats about what would be best for a belated type of birthday message. We shared some drinks on the rocks while the hellfire smouldered and decided that it might be fun to throw you a surprise party!
But clearly an ordinary surprise party would only be appropriate for an ordinary girl and since you’re anything but ordinary we thought that maybe we could make it a ‘Surprise! I know you just woke up naked and chained, but we’re all here to celebrate and we need some drinks so be a good girl and don’t make a fuss’ kind of surprise party. Wouldn’t that be fun?
But then I remembered this unfortunate incident…
…and so I got to digging though my drafts folder (which is only slightly larger than all of tumblr) in order to find a more suitable birthday tribute idea, and fortunately I found one! Think of it like a pattern for the prettiest little summery dress, but adapted to something a little more your style. Maybe Mr. Craftsmate, handy as we all know him to be, could help you make it?
I hope you enjoy it. I’d suggest adding some wheels.
Happy Birthday Ivy. I hope 2014 treats you better than I do. 😉
Mr. Why Ess-acly
—-
Oh my gosh you big meanie.
The other night, Sir told me what happens to girls that don’t observe their bedtimes.
I don’t think he’d have the guts to do it, but I don’t want to give him the opportunity to prove me wrong.
I’m going to count the number of times you give me the finger and that’s how many are going in your ass.
Sir, the perpetual meanie, on Skype.
Craftsmate says when I move, he’s going to have me install google latitude on my phone.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“It tracks your GPS location with people you share it with,” he explained. “I get to look at your little blue dot on a pretty map.”
He knows, however much I hate it, I like the idea of being observed that way. One-way glass turns me on. Being watched makes me squirm a little bit.
“Too bad I can’t have a camera follow you around.”
Hmph.
ChatMe: So I kind of had dirty thoughts today at the gym about you, me and SG having a threesome.
Me: And you like fucking me hard from behind and directing him to fuck my face.
Craftsmate: Aww, look at that, Sweetheart wants all the attention from the boys.
Me: Hmph, stop.
Craftsmate: Aww, did I make your little cheekies red?
Me: Stop ittttt.
Craftsmate: Don’t think it’s gonna be easy like that for you. Just because there are two boys you think they’re both going to fuck you?
Me: Uh huh.
Craftsmate: Maybe we’re going to make you sit by the TV and spread your cunt.
Me: YOU’RE SO MEAN.
Craftsmate: And during the commercials we’ll take a few looks at your slutty hole all dripping wet with need.
Me: Nuh uh.
Me: It’s not fair.
Craftsmate: Yeah? Well, then you’d better dress the part. You know how slutty clothes can get you some attention.
Me: I’ll dress really slutty, I promise.
Craftsmate: But honestly I think the best role for you is to use you as a service slut to kneel on the floor while we drink and watch TV.
Me: It’s not fair. This was my fantasy.
Me: I want all the attention.
Craftsmate: Girls who are greedy for attention often end up with none at all.
squirmies (n.): A condition of heightened agitation due to situational anxiety, apprehension, or arousal.
Example sentence: thinkivykink tried to hold still, but couldn’t contain the squirmies from betraying her as her boyfriend explained how she’d be displayed in a similar position on their next trip to the dungeon.
Hmph. Bullies.
