Month: January 2017

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Pup keeps a butter knife in our freezer for knifeplay. 

(Tip for those who don’t know: if you freeze a butter knife and blindfold your partner, it feels 100% sharper and more dangerous. Which can be incredible.)

Our roommate – an incredibly open and supportive and fantastic vanilla friend – was cleaning out the freezer the other day when she came about the knife. “How’d this get in here?” She wondered aloud. 

 "Oh, no, leave it there,“ I said. "Don’t worry about it." 

She stared down at the knife for a minute before replacing it and saying, "this is some kind of sex thing, isn’t it?”

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“Beauty spins and the mind moves. To catch beauty would be to understand how that impertinent stability in vertigo is possible. But no, delight need not reach so far. To be running breathlessly, but not yet arrived, is itself delightful, a suspended moment of living hope.” – Anne Carson, Eros the Bittersweet.

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The other night, Pup tied my wrists with rope, secured them to the headboard, and proceeded to fuck me with my knees bent up to my chest.

The knots were rather loose. So when we finished and Pup said goodnight, turned off the bedside lamp and rolled over without untying me, I wasn’t remotely worried about not being able to get out. But I decided to pursue it. “Hey,” I pouted.

“Yep?” 

“You’re going to leave me this way?” I asked. 

Pup snorted. “You could get out of that in a minute or two. I’ve seen you get out of much worse.”

“Yeah, but…”

“Do you want me to let you out, then?” Pup asked.

“No, but…”

“Damn it, woman,” Pup joked. “Make up your mind.”

I hesitated. I didn’t want him to let me out, but I didn’t want him to admit it would be so easy to get out. I guess I wanted him to gloat about it, maybe? But it’s weirdly hard for me to communicate the whole “I want to adamantly pout and say no even though I’m really enjoying this” thing.

Which I think might tie in with the fact that I struggle to ask for what I want and just end up hoping that my partner will just, you know, guess completely accurately. Which is incredibly unsustainable, I know, but sometimes I’m just entirely too shy or embarrassed to articulate what I really want.

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Just when you figure you know all your kinks, the internet swoops in with something like this.

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fotoarcade:

Rigging: GR3ND3L

Model: GR3ND3L and anonymous

January 2015

So a friend of mine once wore a mask like the one the rigger is wearing but for like shits and giggles at a [vanilla] party.

This is a person I’ve never really thought that way about ever but suddenly he’s up here in this mask and these pants that made his ass look great and showed off how powerful his legs were and, welp.

And I was just hanging out like WELP I GUESS I’M THE ONLY ONE SUDDENLY UNREASONABLY HORNY HERE GOOD TO KNOW.

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There are typically two possible explanations for why this tumblr gets neglected. Either a) absolutely nothing is going on in my life to report on or b) absolutely too much is happening in my life and I have no time to report on it.

It’s B this time guys. It’s been B for a while.

Which like I can’t tell you how much that means compared to this time last year, when I was stressed beyond all belief about life and career issues, scared shitless about finding people to date (besides Pup) or going to play parties, and dealing with some pretty major upheavals. I understand this is some silly aspect of my sex life, but I think it reflects that now that all the big scary stuff has started to come together, I can actually relax and enjoy myself with people. It’s been a lot of pushing past old fears and trying new things. Even these first two weeks of 2017 have been a lot of articulating for myself what I want in terms of my lifestyle – kinky and otherwise. 

Zora Neale Hurston said there are years that ask questions and years that answer. I am trying my damnedest to make this a year where I start forming answers.

And, yeah, maybe neglect my tumblr a little bit.

(Also, I get in this bad pattern where I fall so behind I get stressed out about writing and updating. And this blog was supposed to be fun and then suddenly it feels like a chore so uh major boo to that. Going to try to get back to the time where I just posted for shits and giggles and not to appease an audience. Or, otherwise, maybe step away from the tumblr.)

So bear with me. I’ve got some hot stories to finish and some hotter ones to share. But I’d rather be out making more than stressing out about getting them all written down here.

Chat

An educated person: “it’s unhealthy to eat past 9 pm.”
Me, eating Lucky Charms at 3 am: “Oh man, good thing time is an illusion”

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sonoanthony:

When you having sex with a girl and she wants to be choked, don’t choke her hard and fast that she can’t breathe within 2 seconds. Choke her slow, so she feels how every breath gets smaller and smaller and her oxygen is depriving. Choke her slow so she feels her consciousness leaving little by little, choke her slow so her eyes roll back and right when she’s about to pass out let her breathe again