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There are typically two possible explanations for why this tumblr gets neglected. Either a) absolutely nothing is going on in my life to report on or b) absolutely too much is happening in my life and I have no time to report on it.

It’s B this time guys. It’s been B for a while.

Which like I can’t tell you how much that means compared to this time last year, when I was stressed beyond all belief about life and career issues, scared shitless about finding people to date (besides Pup) or going to play parties, and dealing with some pretty major upheavals. I understand this is some silly aspect of my sex life, but I think it reflects that now that all the big scary stuff has started to come together, I can actually relax and enjoy myself with people. It’s been a lot of pushing past old fears and trying new things. Even these first two weeks of 2017 have been a lot of articulating for myself what I want in terms of my lifestyle – kinky and otherwise. 

Zora Neale Hurston said there are years that ask questions and years that answer. I am trying my damnedest to make this a year where I start forming answers.

And, yeah, maybe neglect my tumblr a little bit.

(Also, I get in this bad pattern where I fall so behind I get stressed out about writing and updating. And this blog was supposed to be fun and then suddenly it feels like a chore so uh major boo to that. Going to try to get back to the time where I just posted for shits and giggles and not to appease an audience. Or, otherwise, maybe step away from the tumblr.)

So bear with me. I’ve got some hot stories to finish and some hotter ones to share. But I’d rather be out making more than stressing out about getting them all written down here.

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I apologize for the lack of response to messages or general activity on tumblr – my life is crazy hectic.

Also my compooper is broken so I’ve been tumblring on my phone. Hence, the queue and lack of activity.

But while I’ve got your attention, what does a girl have to do to get a little friend like this?

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Current status.

Life is crazy busy and I’m a little overwhelmed with all the work I have to. I have been trying to push through, but ugh. The entire thing has made me beyond despondent. 

Craftsmate’s been pretty great about being supportive, but I feel awful since I can’t really reciprocate in the way I need to. I’m not sure I’ll write about it yet, but we’ve been struggling to understand how to balance the “vanilla” and “chocolate” aspects of our relationship and the whole thing kind of came to a head the other day. 

It’s hard to maintain that sort of thing when I can’t really serve him or be able to do things for him because I’m just plain swamped. I feel awful when I promise to do something and then when nighttime comes around I am just exhausted. And even though last night we had a little time to reconnect and take a shower together, the fact remains that I haven’t been fully holding up my end of the bargain, so to speak.

A follower sent me a message the other day that she showed her boyfriend my blog and they had a pretty awesome sexual experience as a joke. I was flattered and happy, but I felt a little bitter pang of “well at least my life is satisfying somebody’s boyfriend”.

This will pass, but ugh in the meantime.

pausesbetweenthought:

Jonas Bjerre from Mew for Gaffa Magazine
Casper Sejersen, 2011