Month: August 2014

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Applications for shower buddy now open.

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Sweetheart’s trying so hard to be a big girl.

But, gosh, if learning to be a big girl doesn’t hurt.

Thursday Thoughts

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  1. I know I can always count on tumblr to ask the important questions.
  2. Here’s something that I laughed so hard at that I actually cackled. The commentary is amazing.
  3. And here’s something that made me cheer. Nicely done handling that SUPER AWKWARD INTERVIEW, Anna Paquin.
  4. And here’s a perfect representation of my relationship to skirts.
  5. This observation could also apply to the state of my drafts.
  6. And these observations are some awesome truth bombs about the absurd ways people talk about poly.
  7. Damn, okCupid. I didn’t think you had it in you. But you’ve got game.
  8. As does this interpretation of the 50 Shades trailer.
  9. Silly tumblr posts plus Game of Thrones? Don’t mind if I do.
  10. The elderly using Facebook to speak to companies warms my heart.
  11. And this guy who goes out and gets a duck inspires me to go out and get what I want, too.
  12. This edition of the weekly pizza is unf.

Your not fucked up dear. In every intimate relationship there’s hurdles to overcome, and you simply being too embarrassed is a valid thing. Its okay, and I’m sure he gets it. Don’t beat yourself up about it. What matters is that you finally got to a point to be comfortable with yourself and your own desires to now enjoy them. You are not fucked up, and you are not a bad person or a bad sub. You are simply human. Love your blog. Love and hugs from a follower.

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Thank you for the kindness. But, I wasn’t saying I was “fucked up” as an adjective, I was saying I “fucked up” as a verb by doing something that was hurtful to my partner by essentially transposing my shame onto him and making him feel ashamed of himself. Fortunately, he forgave me.

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I hope you all aren’t massively sick of me just reblogging and drooling over lingerie I want like all the time.

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Sometimes I just need you to have the gall to tell me you don’t care whether or not I’m comfortable.

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I miss Sir. A lot. Like, all the time. 

And the situation is only made worse by the fact that he has his own work/family crap to deal with and I’m suddenly becoming more of the submissive I want to be right when he’s stuck handling all of that. I wish I could be able to show him in person how good I can be and how proud I can make him.

I realized tonight that I had done wrong by him a lot early on in my submission to him. In trying to cope with my own shame, I wound up shaming him for a lot of the things that he asked for. I told him stuff was ridiculous or “too porny” when it was honestly something I liked, but I was scared of admitting to myself that I wanted. As a result, he’s totally reticent about actively dominating me and letting me be totally passive to him, as opposed to pre-negotiating every detail of a scene. 

I apologized to him, but I still feel awful about it. I feel terrible about shaming him and how it’s now left him feeling really awkward as my dominant. Hopefully, he’ll be able to visit soon and I’ll be able to demonstrate to him that I’m not going to fall back on things like that anymore. But I still just feel horrible for having made him feel like he couldn’t articulate his fantasies without being made to feel ashamed.

Ugh, it’s so hard to admit when you’ve just plain, old, black and white fucked up. And it’s even harder when I have to wait to make it better.