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Normally Sexy Porn Ruined By The Weird Or Inappropriate Or Nonsensical Setting Day: Just Hangin’ Around

“Hey, hey, um, Sir. Yes. Hey, hi, how are you? You mind moving out of the shot?”

“Oh, me? Hey, no, sorry. I’m just watching. Those girls sure are fine.”

“Yeah, they’re…they’re great. Are you supposed to be a doctor or something?”

“Oh, no. I just walked over from another shoot and I thought I’d watch.”

“Don’t you think that’s creepy? Or, I don’t know, incongruous with the whole theme we’re going for here? Or maybe a little, um, distracting?”

“Nah.”

Only later do they realize they’ve also got some huge freaking wires just hanging out there, too.

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But, Daddy, why are you taking this perfectly sexy picture and setting it in the fucking bathroom

And with that, I commence “normally sexy porn ruined by the weird or inappropriate or nonsensical setting” day. Feel free to leave suggestions in the askbox. 

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Ah, Penelope. Where to begin? 

I am seriously in love with this woman. From Volver to Vicky Cristina Barcelona. She is just so enchanting. She’s just got something really visceral and wild about her amidst her composure. And that accent? Take me now.

I even sat through the massacre of a remake of Nine just to see her in some lingerie with Daniel Day Lewis (another crush). 

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Dacryphilia? Guilty as charged.

likeabikeseat:

“there are some things you can’t cover up with lipstick and poooooowder.”

yesdaddy:

marked

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This reminds me a ton of Christina Rossetti’s Goblin Market. Not for the faint of heart. Nah, it’s not that horrible. But, hey, some pretty interesting fruit-related sex metaphors. 

herdirtylittleheart:

I want to meet a man who makes me feel this way.

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Not a sound, slut. Or I’ll just stop right now and you can wait another month. 

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At the concert the other night, the lead singer introduced one of the songs by explaining this person that kind of got him through one point of his life and into another. And then he thanked her by name.

It was odd for me, because I very closely associated the song with a woman who did something very similar to me. So, hearing another name come out of his mouth was very foreign to me. I was almost expecting him to say the woman from my life’s name. It’s crazy how much we personalize music to ourselves.

But, yes, thank you, dear. I can’t say I’d be producing this tumblr or doing much else in this realm without you. <3

prowlingman:

I wish I could hear the little girly sounds they make as they play…at least until an orgasm nears, and the inner sluts come roaring out.

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There’s this really weird stereotype that floats around about kink people always being the kind of people who wear chains, bondage pants, the like in public. Or, they have mildly fetishistic apparel that they incorporate into their outfits. They’re typically portrayed as kind of creepy and really dark. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that stereotypical portrayals of kink people are usually that they have very clearly and very obviously ostracized themselves from general society. 

And, then you’ve got the basement kinksters. Yes, I’m looking at you and that little stunt you pulled in Pulp Fiction, Tarantino. I’m talking about the idea that they all have dungeons in their basement lit by candles with chains hanging for the ceiling. When they come up from said basement dungeons, they’re key members of society and only then do they blend in. But, a-ha! They’re still portrayed as creepy. 

I’d like to imagine I’m not a creepy person. I mean, my dorm room doesn’t have a trap door that leads to some ornate, medieval dungeon. And, hey, there’s nothing wrong with people who’ve got it. I just think the huge underrepresentation of people from the other end of the kink spectrum is a little bit upsetting. The BDSM community is this really diverse group of people. Yet, we’re almost always symbolized by the creeper with the basement dungeon, the gimp, or the femme fatale dominatrix. 

But, hey, if the lady in the photograph wants to control me in whatever candlelit dungeonesque room she’s posing in, I’m game.