normally sexy porn ruined by the weird or inappropriate or nonsensical setting day – Ivy

Normally Sexy Porn Ruined By The Weird Or Inappropriate Or Nonsensical Setting Day: Be Kind, Rewind.

Sharing? Damn sexy. The expression on her face? Damn sexy. The locale? Umm. The guy in the background? Oh, not again.

But, see, this time, it’s not even the peeping Tom’s fault. He’s just incidentally there, not really doing any of the disturbing at all. No, this stems from the fact that this takes place in a business that stocks everything from Little Miss Sunshine to Babe, Pig in the City. We’re talking somewhere that you can buy little bags of cheetos from staff who wishes they were literally loitering anywhere else.

And I can’t help but imagine this asshole is saying, “Okay, sure, I mean, I’ll grab her tits for ya. But, I’ve really got to be honest. You’ve had Madea’s Family Reunion out an extra month and it’s really going to cost ya.”

I’m all for a little degradation. But, for heaven’s sake, a video store? Public Disgrace, I put up with you when my most recent dom liked you. I handled the fact that you take women to some really freaking weird spots to do the stuff you do. And, yes, I’ll admit it, I found a ton of your shoots to be really sexy. But a video store?

Normally Sexy Porn Ruined By The Weird Or Inappropriate Or Nonsensical Setting Day: Teenage Wastelaaaand.

Male submission isn’t really a sexy button-pusher for me. But, hey, at first glance, it doesn’t seem quite bad for people into that stuff. I mean, it’s just a row of portapotties, right? Okay, sure, not horrible. Until you think where these things usually are.

Cue the bad music from bands you’ll never hear of again. Cue your friend throwing up after her first beer. Cue the bikini-top shaped sunburn that stings like a mother when you finally give into that “free hugs” guy and he claps you on the back. Cue getting elbowed in the face. Cue getting elbowed in the face again. Cue the teenage promoters for college radio stations, PETA, and obscure record labels whose pamphlets only serve as surrogate toilet paper when the real stuff runs out in the first five minutes.

And now cue the couple walking past the portapotties, which we all know have a line to that guy selling hotdogs for fifteen bucks a pop across the grounds. Cue the moshers that trip over them. But, hey, at least his dom was nice enough to grant him the privilege of wearing socks.

Normally Sexy Porn Ruined By The Weird Or Inappropriate Or Nonsensical Setting Day: I’m Makin’ Porn Asbestos I Can!

As per the suggestion of Heart.

Sin’s basically got this one in the bag. Because, I never feel sexier than when I’ve washed myself off, applied a face-full of makeup, put on my “fuck-me” pumps and gone down to the local abandoned warehouse (you don’t have one?) to squat amongst the shards of spackle and rat shit.

(Please forgive my third grade asbestos joke.)

ifeelasincomingon:

Another “abandoned building in heels” photo shoot. Always a great example of my pet peeve, porn that doesn’t make sense.

Normally Sexy Porn Ruined By The Weird Or Inappropriate Or Nonsensical Setting Day: Just Hangin’ Around

“Hey, hey, um, Sir. Yes. Hey, hi, how are you? You mind moving out of the shot?”

“Oh, me? Hey, no, sorry. I’m just watching. Those girls sure are fine.”

“Yeah, they’re…they’re great. Are you supposed to be a doctor or something?”

“Oh, no. I just walked over from another shoot and I thought I’d watch.”

“Don’t you think that’s creepy? Or, I don’t know, incongruous with the whole theme we’re going for here? Or maybe a little, um, distracting?”

“Nah.”

Only later do they realize they’ve also got some huge freaking wires just hanging out there, too.

But, Daddy, why are you taking this perfectly sexy picture and setting it in the fucking bathroom?

And with that, I commence “normally sexy porn ruined by the weird or inappropriate or nonsensical setting” day. Feel free to leave suggestions in the askbox.