Honestly, I think they are completely, completely separate. The problem lies in the fact that there are people who lack the ability to be able take apart the self in a sexual situation and the self that we as people have formed. Personally, I do not feel as if I am one of those types.

My self-worth and self-love are in no way dependent on my sexual play. If anything, my sexual play is dependent upon my self-worth and self-love. If I didn’t have a sense of these, I would certainly not be comfortable in engaging in practices such as dehumanization. I can step away from the process and say, “well, that was interesting, but I am a strong, capable, intelligent woman who is in control of her life and her choices”. Simply put, I choose to be dehumanized. Also, I have a safeword if I want to “turn it off”, something that many people use as evidence to say that the submissive actually has more control than the dominant.

Yes, I have pulled out the safeword before when the situation got too intense. This happened with multiple partners and each one respected its use. This is something that is forged over time when I grow to really trust my partner.

Moreover, I have the degree of self-esteem that I can carry out these practices without letting them affect me on a deeper level. I understand who I am as a person, strengths and weaknesses. 

Do I gravitate towards partners who dehumanize me? God, no. I am not going to start going out with a guy or a girl if the first thing he or she says to me is, “hi, bitch.” Dehumanization is an act of trust that is built up to. It is not a deciding factor in a relationship and it is not something I “seek out”. There’s a huge difference between being dehumanized in a consensual sexual scenario and being dehumanized in public, nonconsensual situations that lack trust (this can also be referred to as sexual harassment and sometimes rape). 

I have been fortunate enough to have partners who are generally into it or are not unwilling to try it. Once again, it’s not the first thing I do. It literally takes months and months of trust and getting to know each other and talking through everything to allow someone to do that to me. I wouldn’t pick up a guy or girl at a bar, bring them back to my dorm, and have them dehumanize me. 

While I don’t seek out the “dehumanizing” type, whatever that might mean, I tend to seek out people with dominant and powerful characteristics. This is probably because I consider myself a pretty “dominant” and powerful woman outside of BDSM scenarios and I expect my partners to have the same sense of self-worth, the same amount of confidence, the same degree of control over their lives. The fact that they are dominant in the bedroom is maybe a side effect, maybe even incidental. 

In all, I guess what I’m trying to communicate here is that dehumanization, and even more “normal” BDSM practices, are not the kind of thing you base a partner off of and are certainly not a thing you do upon meeting someone. BDSM is a practice, for me, built upon trust and is a manifestation of the epitomizing of this trust. 

I hope I’ve answered your question.

<3, Ivy

It’s not so much a scenario as it is a feeling. One I’ve certainly explored from time to time and taken quite a few forays deeply into.

I’m talking dehumanization. I don’t mean like being made to act like a puppy or like a piece of furniture. I mean completely losing my sense of self, my sense of being, most of my thoughts in order to simply be able to serve. 

I want to be pushed to such a degree that I believe that I am just a fucktoy. I’ve been called it, I’ve been told to call myself it, but I’ve never truly, sincerely, at the pit of my gut felt it. I want to lose touch with my wants and feelings and give myself over to this prevailing feeling that I exist completely to serve. It becomes hard for me to process complex thoughts beyond anything of or related to serving. 

I’ve been pushed to that place a few times and it has been so incredibly rewarding. The relief from responsibility and needs is like no other. The single-mindedness of the tasks is almost therapeutic. I completely lose my desire for anything sexual performed upon myself, I solely want to serve and please. I usually start referring to myself in the third person as some sort of derogatory term, usually at the prompting of the other party. 

Not to say that this is what I want all the time. Hell no. I like getting mine just as much as I like giving. 

I’m missing thisexactmoment brightening up my dash with his sexy, perverse mind. For those who don’t know, he left because someone who was under 18 refused to stop following him. 

I understand if you’re mature at 15, 16, 17. I was. And I know I’m 20 and only 2 years over the age limit. But, honestly, there’s this thing called the law. By following tumblrs like thisexactmoment’s and mine and others in the same genre, you’re really endangering their owners if you are a minor.  And if you really appreciate sex tumblrs, you wouldn’t hit the follow button until you’re over 18.

I can’t stop you from still looking, but for heaven’s sake, don’t hit follow. Really. Common logic. 

Under 18? Feel free to stop following me. But also feel free to come back once you’re legal. My doors are always open, provided you’re legal.

Well, thank you, Mr. Quantum. It’s very funny that you see my age as marking me as young. I’m still a stickler to the fact that I see twenty as pretty young, but the kind of environment I’m in, I’m constantly treated as if I’m much, much older. When, come on, in all honesty I’m a stone’s throw from “barely legal”. 

That being said, I so appreciate your comments about my maturity and impressing you. I’m glad you’re on board with following me. I hope I don’t disappoint. 

Well, thank you. Closeness has been a thing for me, too, because I realize just how profoundly people do affect me. And, let’s face it, some have had the capacity to be pretty negative if I would have let them closer.

And, yes, it’s definitely Locardian. But I think both of us have exhausted the metaphors for the night.