the holiday party

The Holiday Party, Part 8

The top five moments of the night, according to Ren’s boyfriend:

5. Septum hooking up with the Ryan Gosling DJ.

4. Septum hooking up with Ren’s little sister and later declaring, as Ren tucked her into bed, “sorry, but your sister’s just so pretty”. (It was apparently a noodle kind of night. Septum’s totally straight.)

3. Noodlegirl’s boyfriend saying I was out to perform some “crazy lesbian ritual”.

2. Smoking with the neighbor.

1. My unabashed pursuit of Noodlegirl, which was, in his words, “noteworthy and something to aspire to”.

Oh, and Noodlegirl and I have spoken since. Take that.

The Holiday Party, Part 7

Ren soon came upstairs to add some levity to Noodlegirl’s date breathing down my neck and we all wound up having a nice smoke together. The issue of my host’s sexuality was settled: he’s straight! We all had a good laugh about it as Ren struggled between apologizing and dying of laughter over the situation.

Eventually, Noodlegirl’s date tried to drag her away, but she made him wait so she could write down her information for me and hand it over. I gave her a long hug and flashed him a million-dollar smile over her shoulder. Because you don’t screw around with us crazy ritualistic lesbians.

After they left, Ren looked over to me and said, “so, Septum’s asleep in my bed right now. You want to come downstairs and handle these munchies?”

It was an evening well-spent.

The Holiday Party, Part 6

“Wait, you’re smoking with my neighbor?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry…”

“No, no,” Ren said, “it’s awesome. I’ll be up in a few!”

Of course, who came busting through the door instead but Noodlegirl’s boyfriend. According to Ren later on that night, he had freaked out and claimed that I might be off performing some “crazy lesbian ritual” with her. What. The. Hell.

Seriously? One, she’s not his girlfriend. Two, she barely likes him. And, three, lesbian rituals? Really? Because every lesbian is a witch suddenly. It just sucks that there’s two ways to handle a bisexual girl at a party, she’s either trying to steal your girl or she’s there for you to watch and drool over. Ugh.

The Holiday Party, Part 5

“I have to use the bathroom,” Noodlegirl exclaimed during some point during the night. However, we found the place occupied by someone puking.

I thought for a minute, “the gay guys upstairs! Let’s go use their bathroom."

Up the stairs we went, giggling the whole way. She put her arm around me while I knocked on the door and we were greeted by a very nice-looking young man as we chuckled and smiled at each other. He let us through to use the bathroom and was just incredibly welcoming.

As Noodlegirl was using the bathroom, I sat down with him on his couch and introduced myself. Suddenly, I noticed it, "is that a bong?” There, on his table, was a giant packed bong. Clearly, he had been intending on smoking that evening.

“Yep. You want some?”

So, maybe I’m the kind of person who would’ve probably taken some candy from strangers as a child, but I started smoking him. And, after she left the bathroom, Noodlegirl soon joined us, claiming she smoked a bunch.

We all got to talking and laughing when I got to my feet and walked around his apartment. I noticed a copy of one of my favorite books in his bookshelf and we started discussing it. Then, from there, our host asked, “so, um, could I ask your advice on something?”

Cue Ivy giving some dating advice to a stranger who she thought was gay, but was suddenly asking about girls. However, I was too high to notice.

But, I did notice that Noodlegirl had just gotten way too high. And that’s when my phone rang. It was Ren.

“Ivy? Where are you and Noodlegirl? Her date is freaking out.”

The Holiday Party, Part 4

Noodlegirl and I settle in on the couch and get to talking. Somehow, I tell her I may be into girls. She’s intrigued. Seriously. Like I told her I was a world explorer or something. We keep moving closer and closer until suddenly this guy plops down next to her on the couch and I assume he’s creeping. Ugh.

He kind of curtly acknowledges my existence, but Noodlegirl goes out of her way to introduce me like I’m the President. It was undeniably sweet, but this guy wasn’t feeling it. She turns back to me and asks, out of nowhere, “so, what are you into more, guys or girls?”

I shrug, “I mean, I typically just kind of go for the personality.”

Noodlegirl’s couch companion is suddenly threatened and kind of awkwardly starts making out with her. He then gets up to get her a drink.

I don’t want to cross boundaries or make trouble, so I decide to ask some questions. “Is he your boyfriend?”

She shakes her head, “no, of course not. He just drove me here and we hook up sometimes.”

Whew. “Well, he’s cute.” It’s really a common courtesy that I’m saying that. I’m not terribly attracted to him and any vague attraction I may have had was totally killed by how he had to get really defensive once he found out I was into girls. Really? Did I threaten his masculinity that much?

“Nah,” she chuckled, “he’s okay. We should go dance.”

Part of me may have recognized the dilemma of the fact that I was kind of swooping in. But, hell, the guy’s a jerk and, while I wasn’t expecting a threesome (nor do I want one), he didn’t have to overreact and be such a prick about “marking his territory”. So, yeah, we danced. And the look on his face when he came back and saw us was priceless.

The Holiday Party, Part 3

After some time of talking to Noodlegirl, I realized I had completely lost track of Septum. I scanned the place for a bit, wandering around, until I noticed her with the Ryan Gosling-esque DJ.

“Wow,” Noodlegirl said, “your friend’s totally macking it with the DJ.”

I shrugged, “she just got out of a long relationship. She could use it.” I was aware that she was in control enough to not let herself get taken advantage of. Suddenly, Ren’s sister walked up and the two of them started making out as well.

“Shit,” Noodlegirl chuckled.

I laughed, “yeah, I really have no explanation for that. But, it’s good to see she’s having a nice time.”

The Holiday Party, Part 2

“Hi, I don’t think I know you.”

I admit I was caught a bit off-guard when I turned and saw the girl who had said it to me. I had seen her out on the dance floor and definitely was impressed (she looks a lot like the girl in this picture), but I had not expected such a friendly welcome.

“Oh,” I replied, “I don’t go here. I’m Ivy.” I shook her hand. She introduced herself and asked me where I went. I tried to skirt the subject. I hate admitting where I go because I sometimes get over-the-top reactions or people think I’m bragging.

Her eyes widened. “Oh, wow. So, you’re like…brilliant or something?”

“Oh, God, no,” I was blushing. She was smiling.

She placed her hand on mine and smiled. She had a really precious little gap-tooth. Gap-teeth turn me on. For real. I find them so charming and so sexual for some reason. “There’s so many gay people here,” she gestured toward the group of people dancing. I hadn’t noticed. “I didn’t really grow up near a lot of that at all. It’s really nice to see.”

I wasn’t sure if she was trying to push a subject and I was way too tamed by her looks to try to flirt too hard. I get far too bashful around really pretty girls. It’s a weakness. The stronger, more “butch” types I can totally handle. Once they get too pretty, I turn to mush.

“So, your top is really cute,” I changed the subject. Generic girl talk. I’m a whimp.

She giggled, “you look gorgeous. I’m totally straight, I promise. But you’re like really, really pretty.”

Miss Gap-tooth, I hereby proclaim your name to be Noodlegirl. Let the games begin.

The Holiday Party, Part 1

Saturday night, my good friend hosted a holiday party at her apartment down where she goes to school. Originally, I wasn’t going to go because of the issue of travel and the like, but my good friend, Septum – who I have mentioned a bit on here without naming her – decided she was down, too. So, the two of us left our respective universities to head down and party it up with my friend. Let’s call her Ren.

We got down a little earlier and helped Ren, her boyfriend, and her roommates set up. The DJ she’d hired looked a lot like Ryan Gosling. It was a little uncanny.

“Does anybody else live in this building?” I asked. It was a smaller complex.

Ren’s boyfriend nodded, “yeah, two of the nicest gay guys ever live upstairs. I invited them. Maybe you’ll see them later.”

Septum was already hard at work on mixing some drinks when the first guests came and was being a little more than liberal with the rum. I joined her, but tried to pace myself. It was going to be a long night, in the best way possible.