I’m not trying to assume anything here and if I’m off base then just ignore this, but don’t you worry about hurting your wife? My wife keeps telling me she wants it rough and I’m trying, but I refuse to hurt her. How do you do it and still sleep at night?

romanticdominant-deactivated201:

When Tori and I were first starting to explore D/s, I worried myself sick that I would indeed hurt her at some point and never be able to forgive myself.

She is my world and I love her more than life so, yes, it was a VERY difficult thing to reconcile in my head. I love her, but I hit her? WTF?

For a long time, I discounted the idea that anyone could find pleasure through pain, but I have had to eat those words. Please don’t misunderstand, I would NEVER, EVER really harm Tori, but within the confines of safe, sane and consensual play, rough, dominant behavior from me took our sex to a level I could never have imagined.

What I came to understand and accept was that the level of force Tori and I needed was not something that could cause real damage. For us, dominance and control was what made our D/s work.

In addition, we ALWAYS approached anything new slowly and with great caution. She had her safeword and I absolutely trusted her to use it if things went too far and she absolutely trusted me to stop immediately if she used it.

Whenever we play, her safety is my first priority. I NEVER scene with her if my head isn’t completely in the right zone. Anger, frustration, impatience etc. have no place in D/s. You must be in control of your emotions, the scene, everything or postpone till you’re ready.

I’m flying back out today. It’s been a lovely visit. Obviously, I’ve got a lot to share, hehehe.

In the meanwhile, a little post-holiday tip: Don’t agree to go see this movie with family. ~~In addition to just not being very good,~~ you’ll end up having to uncomfortably squirm in your seat through scenes like this for three hours.

I’d honestly forgotten this was the movie this little scene came from and then realized it halfway in and was like CRAP.

painequalspleasure:

So me, for real.

I’ve been learning to be flexible.

To not always know exactly what will happen, to not fear the unknown so profoundly, to not be so set in my ways of how I believe things should go.

And so I thank everyone who has been sending such sweet messages of support, advice and empathy over my triumphs and blunders in exploring my poly side. I am so appreciative to see that you all have my back.

And a special thank you to whyexactly for posting this little nugget and making me blush like crazy.

I also just noticed my queue spat out parts two and three of Easing out the Kinks in reverse. Grrrr.

kinkycasey:

BDSM Yoga Camel Pose aka Ustrasana

Solid advice from Stoya.

New Year’s Eve: Part 5

This gent, who turned out to be a grad student and in a band (so we’re calling him Grad), and I wound up talking into the better part of the morning. He told me about what he was working on, I shared woes over having to do research.

I was drunk and comfortable enough that I sang. He said he was in a band and I forget why but I started singing. I think he asked me if I could do anything musical, but I just wound up crooning to this guy on a floor at three in the morning.

He was nice, relaxed, confident, comfortable. He was mature. He was an adult. A lot of guys I go to school with are children now, it’s why I tend to be more attracted to the female half of my age demographic when working within the frame of college fun.

At some point in the middle of the conversation, some guy sat down with us and asked me for advice. “My girlfriend’s so insecure,” he said.

“Why are you telling me this?"

He shrugged, "because you don’t seem insecure at all.”

It was weird to hear. I guess it was because I was singing or because I was drunk, but I normally wouldn’t say I’m not insecure. I have my moments, but as this tumblr constantly highlights, I’m constantly second-guessing myself, my lifestyle, my choices.

“That was weird,” I told Grad after the guy left.

Grad checked his watch, “we should get some sleep.” It was almost five in the morning.

I believe Grad was the first man since the first grade to try to erect me a blanketfort “worthy for me to sleep in”.

The Holiday Party, Part 5

“I have to use the bathroom,” Noodlegirl exclaimed during some point during the night. However, we found the place occupied by someone puking.

I thought for a minute, “the gay guys upstairs! Let’s go use their bathroom."

Up the stairs we went, giggling the whole way. She put her arm around me while I knocked on the door and we were greeted by a very nice-looking young man as we chuckled and smiled at each other. He let us through to use the bathroom and was just incredibly welcoming.

As Noodlegirl was using the bathroom, I sat down with him on his couch and introduced myself. Suddenly, I noticed it, "is that a bong?” There, on his table, was a giant packed bong. Clearly, he had been intending on smoking that evening.

“Yep. You want some?”

So, maybe I’m the kind of person who would’ve probably taken some candy from strangers as a child, but I started smoking him. And, after she left the bathroom, Noodlegirl soon joined us, claiming she smoked a bunch.

We all got to talking and laughing when I got to my feet and walked around his apartment. I noticed a copy of one of my favorite books in his bookshelf and we started discussing it. Then, from there, our host asked, “so, um, could I ask your advice on something?”

Cue Ivy giving some dating advice to a stranger who she thought was gay, but was suddenly asking about girls. However, I was too high to notice.

But, I did notice that Noodlegirl had just gotten way too high. And that’s when my phone rang. It was Ren.

“Ivy? Where are you and Noodlegirl? Her date is freaking out.”