TW: rape, rape culture

Hi tumblr,

Recently I had a follower send me a message saying it was my responsibility to specifically detail what the guy in this post did. Apparently, since I have a large readership, it’s my duty to spell out for all of you exactly what went down, exactly why it was wrong, etc.

The fact that this is pretty freaking patronizing aside, I figured I should clarify something:

I didn’t omit the specific acts in this post to be artistic or to make my writing look pretty or to leave some enchanting mystery about his crimes. I did it because, honestly, I have my own limitations here. And it is frankly difficult to write specifically about someone doing something this horrendous.

Let me explain by saying for all the apologists for people like the Steubenville rapists, I’m sure there were those kids who felt completely fucking blindsided by the whole thing. Like, that guy was in my math class and this could have been me. Or, I’ve been drunk around that guy in the past and I had no idea I was sharing such intimate space with a predator.

I cannot believe I actually have to write this out, but let me be explicit in this one area: I let a rapist touch me consensually. I gave a rapist a blowjob.

Admitting that alone is indescribably nauseating. It is unfathomably shameful and frightening. I have been sick over it.

So does it maybe make sense here why I’m not specifically detailing his acts? It’s not that I’m trying to protect him. It’s not that I’m trying to withhold a valuable educational experience. It’s that, perfectly freaking honestly, writing about this stuff is traumatic to me. I had a pretty fucking close call here.

I apologize if anyone else felt my withholding of information was somehow irresponsible, but let me be clear: this is my blog. I need to take care of myself first.

And enumerating the acts of a person who is otherwise unidentifiable will really do nothing beyond making me feel even more torn up than I have already felt.

So let me be really clear here:

1. If she/he/etc isn’t saying yes, it’s rape.

2. If her/his/etc ability to say yes is impaired by something – alcohol, unconsciousness – it’s rape.

3. If you slap somebody outside of the context of a scene, where there is no consent, negotiation and safewords, it is abuse.

4. If she/he/etc is a minor, it’s rape.

5. If she/he/etc tells you to stop and you keep going, it’s rape.

6. If she/he/etc is hesitant and you push on anyway, ignoring them, it’s rape.

That’s as explicit as I’ll be here. I’m not going to spell out specific instances because, frankly, being asked to defend myself here is traumatic enough.

The kiss was a sexual assault. She did not remain friends with the dude.

Source and interview sources here: http://cratesandribbons.com/2012/09/30/the-kissing-sailor-or-the-selective-blindness-of-rape-culture-vj-day-times-square/

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Compiled by herdirtylittleheart and posted by request of some rad followers.

youfelinedevil:

thinkivykink:

Is that true? Because the tiny romantic that lives at the bottom of my sexuality just squealed if it is.

church-mouth:

They didn’t know each other.

hopefully these people have since learned that this woman has said she didn’t know this man AND that she did not want to be kissed

yeah, romantic

I know there is a tendency to assume that everyone on the Internet has the worst intentions, but allow me to explain.

I can vouch for churchmouth, and I am sure she can vouch in return for me, that we are both rather outspoken in our condemnation of rape culture. When I saw this photograph and read what was written a long time ago, I did not know of the true story behind the picture. Instead I interpreted it as some romanticized they were both asked to kiss for a photograph, as consenting volunteers, and their joy over the end of the war manifested itself in this picture.

Apparently, I was incorrect. I was horrified by the true circumstances of my photo and I’m a little shocked someone dug through my archives to call me out. However, it has reminded me to set the record straight on my opinion of the photo. So, thanks, I guess? But, really, a gentle message in my inbox clarifying the context rather than a smug reblog probably would have sufficed.

sansshame:

I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

What he said.

Petition to have CNN Apologize on Air for Sympathizing with the Steubenville Rapists

Hi followers,

I know I’ve been a bit quiet lately.

But do me a solid on this one.

Or, you know, just sign this because it should fucking matter to all of you.

<3, Ivy

dull-knives:

Holy bloody hell. This.

It’s scary to think of the old adage that “antelopes need not be able to outrun a cheetah, but only to outrun each other.”

Come on and use your frontal lobe, humans.

borderline-babe:

calecake:

Bam

SHIT. i have never even considered this.