jesus christ

TW: rape, rape culture

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Hi tumblr,

Recently I had a follower send me a message saying it was my responsibility to specifically detail what the guy in this post did. Apparently, since I have a large readership, it’s my duty to spell out for all of you exactly what went down, exactly why it was wrong, etc. 

The fact that this is pretty freaking patronizing aside, I figured I should clarify something:

I didn’t omit the specific acts in this post to be artistic or to make my writing look pretty or to leave some enchanting mystery about his crimes. I did it because, honestly, I have my own limitations here. And it is frankly difficult to write specifically about someone doing something this horrendous. 

Let me explain by saying for all the apologists for people like the Steubenville rapists, I’m sure there were those kids who felt completely fucking blindsided by the whole thing. Like, that guy was in my math class and this could have been me. Or, I’ve been drunk around that guy in the past and I had no idea I was sharing such intimate space with a predator. 

I cannot believe I actually have to write this out, but let me be explicit in this one area: I let a rapist touch me consensually. I gave a rapist a blowjob. 

Admitting that alone is indescribably nauseating. It is unfathomably shameful and frightening. I have been sick over it.

So does it maybe make sense here why I’m not specifically detailing his acts? It’s not that I’m trying to protect him. It’s not that I’m trying to withhold a valuable educational experience. It’s that, perfectly freaking honestly, writing about this stuff is traumatic to me. I had a pretty fucking close call here. 

I apologize if anyone else felt my withholding of information was somehow irresponsible, but let me be clear: this is my blog. I need to take care of myself first.

And enumerating the acts of a person who is otherwise unidentifiable will really do nothing beyond making me feel even more torn up than I have already felt. 

So let me be really clear here:

1. If she/he/etc isn’t saying yes, it’s rape.

2. If her/his/etc ability to say yes is impaired by something – alcohol, unconsciousness – it’s rape. 

3. If you slap somebody outside of the context of a scene, where there is no consent, negotiation and safewords, it is abuse. 

4. If she/he/etc is a minor, it’s rape.

5. If she/he/etc tells you to stop and you keep going, it’s rape.

6. If she/he/etc is hesitant and you push on anyway, ignoring them, it’s rape.

That’s as explicit as I’ll be here. I’m not going to spell out specific instances because, frankly, being asked to defend myself here is traumatic enough. 

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So, after thinking really hard about the situation, I decided I needed to stop seeing Woody. Turns out, in the process of “dumping” him, I discovered what a good decision this actually was. But, the whole situation was 50000 shades of awkward. 

I had to do it over Skype because he doesn’t live out here, and so I felt kind of guilty about it. But, I couldn’t keep this going. He continued to do things that made me feel uncomfortable after I’d had long conversations about why I did not want him to do those things. He claimed he was a feminist, but made massively misogynist comments all the time. Despite the fact that we had some really fun evenings, I knew I had to shut the whole thing down.

(Not to mention he referred to his penis as “Him.” Shudder.)

Except, everything went wrong:

  1. He answered Skype naked. NAKED. So, I broke up with a naked person.
  2. He informed me that his primary had just broken up with him this week, so I felt awful…
  3. …UNTIL he tried to persuade me to dump my boyfriend and be his girlfriend…
  4. … which started with the phrase “no offense to your boyfriend, but…”
  5. He did that sketchy thing of sort of like, “oh, but we can still like talk and text and do all the stuff we were already doing, right?” (No.)

So, ah, that was my evening. I broke up with a penis.

I’m going to go eat some cookies now.

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Um.

I don’t think you get the point of this exercise.

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fugrats:

ppolishprincess:

only art students/art enthusiasts will get how cool this watch is

literally everyone knows who salvador dali is

I’m sorry, fake, half-assed elitists drive me nuts so let me chime in here and support fugrats in calling out this bullshit.

The Persistence of Memory is one of the most iconic works of art. It’s referenced by pop culture, from Looney Toons to The Simpsons to desk-clocks on Modcloth. You don’t have to be an art student or an art enthusiast to get how cool a watch is when this image is literally one of the most entrenched in our culture. Even if you can’t identify Dalí or The Persistence of Memory or dadaism by name, you can still recognize a clock that is as culturally immortal as the Mona Lisa.

So kindly get over yourself. 

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nankingdecade:

We will absolutely hurt you. We will make tears run down your pretty cheeks and stain the bedsheets with your mascara. We will lick, nibble, and hurt those pink little nipples until they’ll be sore all week. We will fuck you now while you’re fresh, then invite some neighbors over for fun.

societyjuliette:

Come in sweety, we won’t hurt you and there is plenty of room for you in between us
http://societyjuliette.tumblr.com/

!!!!!