Daddy says there are sweeter things to leave for Santa than cookies.
nude
Spending the day with Penthouse and Craftsmate.
(You guys can argue over which one has the mullet.)
(I vote it’s whoever came up with the idea of threatening to take me to Home Depot if I was bratty.)
(Meanies.)
…a far away land where good people go
in search of very bad things.
Boy, Girl, Boy on a Boat by Ryan McGinley, 2007
Ivy’s Birthday Wishlist, Item #2
Hi. I don’t like the cold weather. Kindly get me to a beach.
Also, pizza.
Mrs. Hedera was not informed that her husband had listed her as collateral to the loansharks.
So, a certain somebody in my life made a tumblr recently and decided to get a little bit clever.
I’m not saying who, but I’m sure you can figure it out.
And, no, my last name isn’t Hedera.
Her feet are impeccably clean right now.
If she’s brave enough to stay, that will change pretty soon.
So, my birthday is coming up. All of my friends and loved ones keep asking me what I want. And to be honest, I’ve been having trouble answering them. I’m not too big on technology. I have enough bath/shower supplies and perfumes to keep me through my twenties. I am fairly content with the amount of clothing I have (slash no one is able to size me properly because I have a disproportionally big butt and a small torso). Bottom line: I never know what to tell people when they ask me what I want.
With this in mind, I give you…
Item Number One on Ivy’s Birthday Wishlist.
Questions?
“Sweetheart, what did you do?”
“Oh, nothing.”
“You know I’m going to find out.”
“Uh huh.”
“And you know you’re going to be in trouble.”
“Uh huh.”
“Well, all right, sweetheart. Just as long as you know.”
This is what my ballgag looks like.
Due to the demands of blah blah academia, I haven’t had the opportunity to wear it in a while.
This is simply unacceptable.
Playdates at Heart’s are equal parts fun and scary.
But that’s what you get for putting off work to have a playdate.
If you’re going to lock her with her head facing in, you may as well throw a little friend in there with her first. You know, so she can inform her companion of what is going on outside the cage past the sheet, from what she can deduce from what she feels is happening to her body.
Perhaps her little friend will empathize. Or maybe just feel jealous and take it out on the poor girl.
Oh fuck! A cage with a locking collar on the door!
She’s lucky, facing this way. I think most of the time she’d be outside with her head being locked in the cage. I’d drape it with a table cloth or sheet, so she couldn’t see what I or others are about to do with her body.