That thing where you can’t sleep and then remember that’s what tumblr is for.
Apologies for being a bit absent, I’ve had a hectic few weeks. But I promise there will be updates soon. (I’ve also been having plenty of fun.)
In the meantime, time to get caught up on porn.
“Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beauty, we quiver before it.” – Donna Tartt, The Secret History.
When you wake up and just like have really good sex. That’s definitely a thing.
I remember this time last year: dropping him off for his flight at an ungodly hour of the morning, coming home and curling up with the jacket he left here. I remember how scary and uncertain everything felt.
I just got home from dropping him off for yet another unreasonably early flight. A lot of stuff still has some time to withstand, but I’ve learned we’ve got a pretty good track record for that.
Please bear with me for a few days while I gather myself after what was a lovely visit. I’ll finish Halfway There and get you all caught up very soon. I promise.
But, for now, I’ve got to get back into bed and remind myself that I’ll see him soon.
Often, the best kind of release is long before you’re untied.
“But I don’t want comfort. I want poetry. I want danger. I want freedom. I want goodness. I want sin.” – Aldous Huxley, Brave New World.
Control isn’t always manifested in the most obvious ways. You can slap, sure. You can pull hair. They work just fine and they have their place.
But sometimes something a little less obvious is good. Because violence doesn’t always have to be so…violent. You can make me feel owned by shoving my face down into the bed, but you can do it by doing something kids on the playground do, too.
Kissing: The new slapping. Maybe.
Sexually, I’m an exhibitionist.
Personally, I’ve been told I’m extremely guarded. Some people use the romanticized mysterious. An ex, while fighting with me, once used the word “mean” to imply cold, aloof. Apparently, I’m horribly “mean”.
It may sound hilarious with how personal I get on here, but I typically don’t like people knowing my business. I’ll get embarrassed if people find out I’ve hooked up with someone, regardless how I feel about the person.
I don’t know what to say for myself, honestly. I suppose a lot of it stems from the fact that I usually have no idea who I am when I really get down to it. I have some minor identity issues. I’m never entirely sure who I am, what I want, where I’m going. And so I’m never fully sure how to present myself.
Tumblr helps, certainly. I have gotten wildly candid on here a few times. I think the fact is that I actually do want to share, but I’m uncomfortable about the sounding boards I’m given. I don’t want to come across as cold, aloof, mysterious… “mean”. But sometimes it just makes me comfortable.
Followers: Suddenly, there’s a ton more of you. I don’t even know how to begin to understand this. It’s unnatural. Did I accidentally post up a nude of myself or something on here? (Tumblr followers tend to spike for people after posting photos such as those, I’ve noticed.)
Seriously, where did you all come from?
And even more seriously, welcome. Thank you for following me and my story. It’s nice to have you all around.
