identity – Ivy

The statement that all people are “a bit bisexual” is harmful. And why? Because fluidity of sexuality and bisexuality are two separate concepts and are not interchangeable. By saying that all people are bisexual to one degree or another only erases the identity of people who do identify as bisexual. This creates the culture in which “We’re all told bisexuality is a phase that everyone goes through and grows out of, and no one’s a ‘proper’ bisexual, even though everyone’s bisexual really,” as Marcus Morgan puts it.

Sarah O’Rourke, “I think everyone’s a bit bisexual”: identity erasure and biphobia (via owlswearglasses)

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I was at a party last night and I was talking to this woman and somehow pretty girls came up.

She got all excited and was like, “wait, you’re into girls?”

And I was like, “…yeah.”

She was all, “well? What are you?”

I thought it was a super weird way to phrase it. Because, you know, what I am is a person. But I humored her. “I’m bisexual.”

“Like 50/50?” she asked.

“Uh,” I thought about it and approximated, “like 70 girls, 30 guys?”

She laughed, “how old are you?” I figured she was about to be like oh yeah all girls your age claim they’re bisexual, blah blah blah.

“22,” I replied.

“Oh, yeah, that’s what I thought when I was 22, too,” she winked. “And now I’m just a lesbian.”

I was kind of relieved that she wasn’t trying to tell me I was just some straight girl. But, I realize her trying to tell me I was just a confused lesbian was just kind of just as harmful.

Both Craftsmate and Penthouse have accidentally either called me Ivy or almost called me Ivy out loud in person.

You know, rather than my actual name.

Which, uh, isn’t actually Ivy.

Craftsmate did it that first time I hung out with him, after he had flogged me, and we were sort of joking around. I forget what I had said to provoke him, but he was laughing and replied to me, “oh, come on, Ivy.” I gave this really goofy, over-dramatic jaw-drop and he started apologizing. I told him it was all right. Because it was.

Penthouse almost said it in front of The Prodigy and Craftsmate, while he was untying me from the harness he put me in. He had me turn around and said, “and now if you want to get Iv…” He stopped himself, said my name instead, and then continued, “…out of this, you just need to pull here and…”

I wonder, sometimes, if I’m still Ivy in their minds. Like, when they see me, if that is the name that registers before my real name. They both knew me as Ivy and knew my tumblr before they knew my name. And while they’ve been really respectful of my privacy, I just sometimes wonder if I’m still Ivy to them.

It doesn’t really bother me, honestly. I just find it kind of interesting.

straitlacedsecrets:

Mother’s Nature.

Sexually, I’m an exhibitionist.

Personally, I’ve been told I’m extremely guarded. Some people use the romanticized mysterious. An ex, while fighting with me, once used the word “mean” to imply cold, aloof. Apparently, I’m horribly “mean”.

It may sound hilarious with how personal I get on here, but I typically don’t like people knowing my business. I’ll get embarrassed if people find out I’ve hooked up with someone, regardless how I feel about the person.

I don’t know what to say for myself, honestly. I suppose a lot of it stems from the fact that I usually have no idea who I am when I really get down to it. I have some minor identity issues. I’m never entirely sure who I am, what I want, where I’m going. And so I’m never fully sure how to present myself.

Tumblr helps, certainly. I have gotten wildly candid on here a few times. I think the fact is that I actually do want to share, but I’m uncomfortable about the sounding boards I’m given. I don’t want to come across as cold, aloof, mysterious… “mean”. But sometimes it just makes me comfortable.

There is passion in restraint. The kind that could keep me away from a bed and the same that could bind me to it. Though I’m not sure I’m going play with much more than words.

And so the plot thickens.