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I get to see him in a few hours. I can’t wait. I can barely wait.

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“Whatever we can’t hold, we hang on a hook that will hold it.” – Leslie Jamison, The Empathy Exams.

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“There were people whom you positively ached to please.” – Alice Munro, The Love of a Good Woman.

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“It seemed important to convey that I understood. Isn’t that what intimacy so often is? Supposing you understand, conveying that you do, because you feel in theory that you could understand, and you want to, and yet secretly you don’t?” — Rachel Kushner, The Flamethrowers

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We won’t be disappointed

We’ll fight like girls for our place at the table

Our room on the floor.

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I know I am behind on posting about just about everything but here’s a gif that reminds me of the person I’m seeing tomorrow and I am so excited to see him that it’s literally making it impossible to sleep.

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The Party Sub, Part Eleven

I wish I could say that the evening ended on this amazing note and Sir and I came home and fucked each others’ brains out. But this wasn’t really the case. I had a wonderful night, but a lot of things compounded by the end of it made it a little rough.

I was tired, subspaced and starting to experience a pretty extreme sub drop. I was feeling some shame. When Sir and I tried to fuck in the loft, I couldn’t even get wet. I sucked his cock, but I kept getting distracted and nervous. There were some people up there messing around as well, and for the first time I was hyper-aware of it and it made me really insecure.

So, Sir just let me lie down and he held me, kissing me behind my ear and letting me come down from everything. Star came upstairs and cuddled up with us, and at some point the three of us just fell asleep. 

When we woke up, I got dressed and Sir and I gathered our things and left. In the cab back, I started to feel better and even a little proud of myself. While I had left the party being quiet and a little short, by the time we were on the road, I was chatting and gushing and going over the night.

While I dropped a little bit the next afternoon, in the weeks that have passed, I realized how brave I was and how I really opened up to this new experience. If nothing else, I’d say I totally went all-in.

The takeaway is I’m kind of addicted to these sorts of parties and next time, I’ll know a little better what to expect and how to handle all of it. Because, yes, I’m going to make sure there’s a next time.

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Happy spankings sound like lots of fun

But I’m way too much of a pouty girl.

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I love that tiny, almost imperceptible clench as he draws the ice across her skin.

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“People who are harder to love pose a challenge, and the challenge makes them easier to love. You’re driven to love them. People who want their love easy don’t really want love.” – Rachel Kushner, The Flamethrowers.

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Cam Damage and BC