snow – Ivy

Make a run for it

Pup just got some incredible life/career-related news and I am the most excited ever for him. I’m waiting in an airport right now barely able to hold it together – I can’t wait to see him. I’m so proud.

However, this news means we’re probably moving to a new state. There’s the side of this that makes me a little anxious. Over the last four years in this city, I made a life. I lived alone for the first time. I fell in love with a place and with a person. I formed a circle of friends. I graduated from grad school and started a job I like (but am also kind of prepared to move on from and go into the next phase.) I made meaningful connections with partners.

So there’s the part of me that wonders if I’m willing to leave it behind and start again. And there’s the part of me – that is yelling louder, that feels right – that it’s time to start this new chapter of our lives together. It’ll push me to ask for more in my career than be complacent with my current situation. I can decide with my partners what feels worthwhile to keep going from (not all that) afar. (It is not as big of a move as it was from where I went to college to this city, not by a long-shot.) I never wanted to put down roots here. And I am young still and more in love with Pup than I am with this city.

And maybe, secretly, a little ready to move on.

We’ll see.

fred-rx:

snow bondage with LizzPai. rope and photos by Hedwig and Fred_Rx

Dreaming of a white Christmas.

Another snowless Christmas Eve.

It’s funny how much does and doesn’t change in a year.

One of my big sexual fantasies back in high school involved a sexual encounter in the snow. It wasn’t really a kinky thing at all, it was more of this very vanilla sort of moment with someone who I cared very much about. It was never carried to fruition, but I get a sort of warm nostalgia whenever I see couples kissing in the snow. I don’t really know what for, but something feels incredibly nostalgic about the whole thing.

The entire fantasy was fairly simple. A lot of it was more about the quietness of the whole thing, the still silence of just being someone with that way in miles and miles of white. Usually, coats stayed on. It wasn’t hasty, strangely enough, I don’t precisely know why the coats stayed on but it was never a matter of being in a hurry.

I guess snow’s metaphorical somehow. White expanses, purity, I don’t know. Pick it apart how you want, I suppose.

There’s no feeling like waking up from a lovely evening to find snow on the ground. Now just to get my heater working.

“So, I really want to come see you.”

I got this text the other day, a few days into my winter break, from the Southern Gentleman.

It’s not the normal thing you see him texting ever. His texts are usually pertaining to a) sex, b) Kanye West and c) politics.

But this was just the sweetest thing. I don’t know. I just found it really sweet.

Sometimes I worry there’s nothing there beyond the physical. And sometimes I realize there’s something genuine there.

I don’t know. I just needed to see that.

This stank face brought to you by random snow in fall and then none around the holidays. Not that I want some major blizzard, but some flurries could be cute. Sheesh.

Oh my good gracious, it’s snowing and my heater is working. Who would’ve thunk it?

This afternoon is all about drinking tea, doing laundry, and reading. In my ushanka, which looks exactly like the one pictured here, down to the pattern of the fabric. Here’s to good taste.

I am shocked at how easy it was to find a picture of a cute naked girl in a cute ushanka on tumblr. No, wait. I’m not shocked at all.