Insolence, Part Two

We pulled up to Rex’s place and I felt a lump rise in my throat. He lived in a pretty fancy apartment complex, complete with a freaking person in a little hut who offers you a parking pass. Just…bananas.

So I was all anxious because it was becoming more and more apparent to me that this person is a real adult with nice adult things and I’m, you know, me. And Pup, noticing how I’ve gotten all quiet, reached over and squeezed my thigh. “Calm down. You’re going to have a good time. Just relax.”

To which I’m basically like:

After taking the elevator up to his floor, I started up the hall. The thrumming of the low bass of some music grew louder as I neared his door. I had to smirk, I knew this move. And, okay, maybe he just liked loud music, but I’ve totally thrown that kind of stuff on to drown out the sex I was anticipating having. I figured knowing he was being a little presumptuous would give me the upper hand.

But when I stepped inside, I was taken aback by the fact that he first thing he said after greeting me and kissing me hello was to suggest I take off my shoes. Yeah, after the whole “wear comfortable shoes” thing that left me freaking out over footwear before arriving. It was a fucking power play.

Which, in part, made me crazy. But also, in part, indicated to me that Rex might just be into power dynamics. Or, yeah, he could’ve just been a jerk. Either way, I was totally bamboozled.

His apartment had one of those floor-to-ceiling windows with an incredible view. For a while, was just sat around, talking about ourselves and watching the sunset. “Anyway,” he said. “What do you like? I mean, what are you into?”

I chuckled. “You mean, like, sexually?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Exactly that.”

I shook my head. “Nope. Oh no. I’m not going first. I don’t want to weird you out or set crazy expectations.” He put his arm around me and started laughing. “No, I’m dead serious. You first.”

Rex cleared his throat. “Well, all right. I guess I should start by saying, in at least most relationships, I’m dominant.”

“Well,” I responded, looking at my feet. “I’m usually a sub.”

“Bondage?” He asked, and I nodded.

“Yeah,” I said, “that’s kind of a big thing for me.”

He reached up and slid my blazer off of my shoulders. “Ageplay?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Sometimes.”

Rex pulled my dress off of me and slipped my stockings down. He kept naming kinks, I kept affirming them. It was going well. And when he rolled on a condom and went to slide inside me, I tried to up the ante by saying, “no. Turn me over. Fuck me like a whore.”

He slipped into me. “It’s always fucking you like a whore if it’s fucking you.”

Me:

As I’ve said before, Saltine was eighteen years old when I met them. And as I’ve said before, I don’t like to date people that young.

I had genuinely no problem with Pup going out with them, but I had zero intentions of getting involved. I found Saltine pretty childish in the few interactions I had with them, in the way that I was when I was their age. Precocious but still young, too smart for their own good. So, on the one hand, I could relate, but on the other I was like ok mama has no time to get mixed up with this child.

After Pup and Saltine hooked up, I ran into Saltine at a munch. I had been perfectly prepared to be cordial. I was happy Pup was getting out there since his breakup, and I was glad things were going well.

But Saltine came on super strong, in a way that was so blunt it was alarming. When they’d walked away, my friend said kiddo needed to chill out. I had to agree.

However, Saltine most definitely did not chill out. And Pup, kind of new to the practice of dating two individuals and calling neither one of them a primary, was not yet accustomed to setting boundaries. So the night I came over to meet Pup’s good friend, guess who was already at his house and on his couch: Saltine.

I shouldn’t have felt entitled to anything, but I did. I’d seen Pup through a pretty big breakup. We’d been seeing each other for almost five months at that point. And then there was just this person traipsing in for what my traditional little brain had categorized as a pretty big milestone: meeting the best friend.

So I was annoyed, but I thought if I vocalized that I’d come across as thewet blanket or selfish. Especially with Saltine being so down for stuff. They’d been interested in hooking up with me, and I had not returned that interest. They were clearly easier to deal with on paper: down for threesomes, down with hanging out all together like this. I needed time. I needed fair warning. If I was going to show up somewhere and Saltine was going to be there, I needed to know ahead of time. Saltine proably didn’t need that.

And so intestead of taking care of myself and asking Pup to talk in the next room, I decided to turn on way too much shade and basically ignore Saltine. I just spoke directly to Pup’s friend, and after his friend had left, I whipped out a book from my bag and started reading it on the couch rather than attempting to engage Saltine in any kind of conversation.

To make matters only worse, there was a play party coming up. I lived a convenient distance from the venue, and so Saltine asked if we could all go to my place after and just sleep over. I also had, as it turned out, the biggest bed.

Dumbfounded and not wanting to be the partypooper, I agreed. But internally I was kicking myself like mother of fuck what did I just agree to.

Eventually, and I honestly do not know how it happened, but Pup and Saltine wound up on the couch with my while I started reading. And then Saltine ended up taking Pup’s cock out or maybe Pup just took his cock out? I genuinely do not remember. But basically the two of them were pretty hot and bothered and bursting with new relationship energy and I was like

Bottom line, I should have been assertive. But I wasn’t. And instead of even just asking them to stop or going home, I told them to keep going and that I didn’t want to ruin their fun. Which was totally stupid on my part, but I was pretty insecure abut the whole thing. Saltine was young and hot and exciting, down for just about anything. I didn’t want to be the boring one. It’s hard not to feel like everything is going to be a comparison.

So I literally gave the okay to them having sex while I was there. And it was so weird. Because I was essentially this dog:

It wasn’t until the next day until all the feelings came flooding to the surface and I found words for them. And I ended up texting Pup novel after novel of upset and anger and outrage. Saltine was not sleeping at my house, I said. And if Saltine was at his place when I was coming over, he’d better tell me. How dare the two of them impose upon me like that and make me feel as if I were the eternal partypooper if I didn’t go along with every ridiculous plan or impulse, I’d said. Pup apologized and promised he’d establish better boundaries, though I conceded that I should have articulated my discomfort better.

After that, all that was left was to talk to Saltine. We made a plan for coffee later that week. Naturally, I was freaked out. But more on that later.

So, ah, if anybody could point me in the direction of where this is from, that would be great.

Because, um, I wouldn’t be completely opposed to watching it.

You know, for research purposes.

Just some facts.

Brittany Matthews is my spirit animal for when I decide to stop taking people’s shit.

Which is, uh, what I need to start getting better at doing.

fudgeflies:

“Jennifer McMenamin says you’re not even from France. You’re from Montreal.”

In which I am discovered again. (And then have fun with gifs.)

So, Craftsmate informs me that one of his kinky friends sent him a message like, “look at what I found I think she goes to Ivy University.” And then a link to my blog.

To which he was basically like

And, as you remember, when Craftsmate found me I was just completely

Followed by

And then just straight

But, ugh, this time I’m sort of just like

And now thinking about it I’m just completely

Because, whatever, it’s going to happen.

So, hi there. Glad to hear you’re enjoying what’s been going on here and I hope you’ll keep this between us.

They say what you do at midnight sets the tone for the rest of your year.

Just something to keep in mind.

josieelovesyouu:

jewwbear:

pull-myhair:

Hysterical Literature; reading with a vibrator.
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I watched these a few months back. It was hilarious. And awkward because I watched them with someone. But this is really interesting and I hope everyone watched them one day.

Oh my God, Stoya was the first one on the project and hers is so cute!!!