In KLON’s Garden II
Patience is a virtue. Too bad you don’t have much virtue to speak of.
kneel
Good girl. You can move when you’re entirely covered in shadow.
“But…”
And not a second sooner.
“Good days, they come around the oddest corners.“ – Colum McCann, Let the Great World Spin.
Daddy says a polite greeting is central to a good first impression.
I’ve never been particularly enthusiastic about harnesses.
But, seeing them from this angle may have given me a change of heart.
I’m not nearly as fragile as I’m allowed to be. I’m given permission to collapse, to surrender, to let the cracks deepen until the secrets and fears and insecurities come oozing out. But, I’m nowhere close to being that breakable.
I’m sensitive, but I’m not inconsolable. I’m submissive, but I’m not codependent. I’m pliant, but I’m not weak.
To no one in particular, but perhaps to a good crowd: real domination is not grabbing someone by their insecurity, it’s grabbing them by their strength. It’s not about using or patching up vulnerability, it’s about allowing something unyielding and independent the opportunity to surrender. And there is the prize: controlling something that can very well control itself.
L’Accès ..*
The real bonds that hold someone aren’t rope or chains or leather. You can’t buy them in a sex shop or a hardware store. You can’t call them pervertibles or pass them off as arts and crafts supplies. They can’t be removed with a scissor or a key.
There’s a point where you just decide to give yourself over and that’s it. You’re bound, hand and foot. Locked away. Restrained. Vulnerable.
Sometimes, it’s incredibly freeing. Others, it’s horribly painful. There’s moments where it tears at you so completely because you realize the true depth of it. There’s moments where that same realization fills you with such utter joy that it renders you wordless. Surrender is a strange feeling because you haven’t completely lost yourself, just the battle.
And you’re bound long before you realize you are. There are new feelings and there are ways you can no longer move. And there’s a persistent idea, a simple phrase that at the same time feels so desperately painful and so indescribably wonderful.
I’m your girl.
lovely.
catphrodite by Marcus Ranum
I know I’ve just revealed him recently, tumblr, but the thief and I will not continue with our current arrangement. Simply put, I will not be submitting to him anymore.
It hurts the both of us, but it’s the best step right now. He has things to attend to in his current relationship and I do not want to exacerbate anything that’s going on there. He and I are still very close, still care very much about each other, etc.
My goodness, I feel like a parent explaining their divorce.
But, yeah, we’re okay on an interpersonal level. However, personally, I’m a little bit shaken up. There’s a feeling you get from submitting to someone and you get that deep. After about nine months, we had settled into a groove and had become quite attached to each other. To be totally honest, my heart is hurting.
So, you know, be a little patient with me, tumblr. I’m feeling fragile.
<3, Ivy
I hate being made to beg. It’s not really the degradation aspect than the fact that I usually can’t come up with words to say after a while besides “please” and the like. Maybe I haven’t been pushed hard enough. Maybe the stakes haven’t been too high.
Confession: I sent a certain tumblr girlfriend of mine a photograph of myself of a certain variety. And I’m still kind of giggly over it. This may be the start of some sort of exhibitionism kick. Maybe.