This feeling, though.
kiss
“The cracked bells and washed-out horns
Blow into my face with scorn
But it’s not that way
I wasn’t born to lose you.”
According to Pup, he and Sir totally made out that night we all played Jenga.
But guess whose asshole brain won’t bring back the memory?
Stupid spankbank. Withdrawal denied.
I’m leaving Sir’s place tonight after being here for about three weeks.
It wasn’t totally easy. There were wonderful days and there were days when I found myself sitting there wondering what the hell was happening to us. But mostly there were the times I would look over at him and just be so grateful to be here with him.
A lot of the unpleasantness hinged on something he’s mentioned on his blog but I’ve struggled to write about here. Sir got an amazing opportunity and is leaving the country for a long while. I am so proud of him and I want him to do this, but it is obviously going to be very difficult on our relationship. It makes a lot of stuff uncertain. And as someone with anxiety, I can’t do uncertainty. So a lot of this visit has involved the tough conversations we’ve both been putting off.
This is the last day I’ll see him before he goes abroad in about three weeks. I’ll probably be kind of a mess for a little while, so please be patient with me.
But I want to end this post by saying that one thing we always returned to is that there’s something special and important and undeniable between us. That’s what makes this whole thing so hard. But it’s also what makes it so rewarding when it works out.
I know, if we make it through this, we will never take each other’s presence for granted.
Ugh send all the Femme Daddies my way, yo.
That Time Pup Was Celibate For a Little Bit, Part One
It was late September and stuff with Pup was going pretty well. We got along with each other to a degree that we were able to just hang out and talk, and we had a degree of chemistry that also kind of made it impossible to just talk. Because his girlfriend had other partners, he was both used to seeing poly women and he understood perfectly his place in reference to Sir. He was super respectful of my relationship and we were having a great time so naturally something had to go wrong.
Pup and his girlfriend were having problems and they were – without laying out his dirty laundry on the Internet – of the wow-we-may-not-actually-be-compatible nature which is heavier/crazier/worse than the whole poly-isn’t-working problems. They broke up. Pup was, understandably, a mess.
There was the awkward issue of what that implied for us that I wasn’t sure how to bring up. I wanted him to take care of himself. I came over to try to talk about that, we ended up trying to mess around, and it ended absolutely horribly. It’s hard for me to write about my partners and portray them in a negative light to the peanut gallery of the Internet, but let’s say that the next day he left a letter at my place saying how he’d fucked up.
On my way to a party, I made a quick stop at his place and we talked through the whole thing. Pup wanted to be celibate for a little bit to avoid any more hiccups so, eventually, he could pick stuff back up without ruining it while he was dealing with this. I agreed, we hugged, and I felt much better about the whole thing.
Except we’re a couple of sluts, so…
In a few hours, Sir’s going to be picking me up at the airport.
I’m probably not going to be able to help myself.
Filed under things I’m thinking about this morning to get me through the day.
I first met Nilla when I accidentally flashed him while showing Flint a bruise he’d given me on my breast. Of course, I was only about 500% embarrassed about that.
The second time, I met up with him, Flint and one of their mutual partners, the Librarian, for drinks. We had a fun evening, but at the end of the night we went our separate ways. But, while I was sucking Flint’s cock that night, he got a text from Nilla and replied with an explanation of what I was up to. I blushed like crazy.
The third, we ended up hanging around and I whined about how it’s been too long that I’ve been spit-roasted and Flint pointed out that my dress was a little see-through and I started blushing like crazy all over again. Flint tried to initiate something, having me walk ahead of them while they discussed me. We were both coming down with the same cold, and we were both feeling a little awkward when Flint basically suggested a threesome. I understood why he thought it might break the ice, but we both got shy.
The fourth happened because we both texted each other the night after the third saying we’d felt awkward and we both wanted to get to know each other a little better. Even though he had a flight the next evening, we made time to see each other in the morning. We had coffee and got to know each other. I learned he wasn’t terribly kinky, but that doesn’t bother me all that much. He’s good-looking and funny and we have very easy conversation.
Right before we said goodbye, he asked if he could kiss me. Finally, the context felt right.