ethical nonmonogamy

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Hi so I absolutely am going to bed but I just need to announce somewhere in a chorus of squealing and joy that I finally sort of basically outed myself as non-monogamous in the sense that I invited a non-primary partner to a party I was hosting and didn’t try to awkwardly pass him off as just a friend in front of my cohort and friends.

Sir’s been encouraging me to be brave about this for so long and I finally took the risk and texted him about it right after and he’s so proud so I’m all glowy.

And I thought my friends would be weird about it but instead the feedback I mostly got was, “so, he’s really hot.” and, “look at you dating two really good-looking, interesting men.”

Poly success!

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One of the fundamental differences between my kink and Sir’s kink used to be that Sir wasn’t into a Daddy/little dynamic and I was starting to realize that having that dynamic was central to my kink identity, if you will.

At first, we handled our differences with ethical non-monogamy. I wasn’t into extreme degradation? Fine, this partner of his was. He doesn’t want to be called Daddy? Totally okay, I had a fun Femme Daddy friend (Heart).

This totally served us well. The Femme Daddy in question and I have a pretty casual dynamic because of distance, but I liked that. It might me sad I couldn’t see her very often, but I was enjoying myself. Sir was seeing girls who would do more extreme stuff and sometimes I felt intimidated, but by mid-September I knew a girl who liked extreme beatings wasn’t going to ruin my relationship with Sir.

However, something was happening. After the last visit, Sir started letting me call him Daddy in certain contexts, and I started accidentally calling him it even when we hadn’t decided it. At first, I apologized and went back to Sir. But, eventually, it was clear he was starting to really like it.

“I don’t mind,” he said one day, “if you call me Daddy sometimes, if I’m still Sir sometimes, too.”

“You don’t mind like you’re okay with it or you don’t mind like you enjoy it?” I asked.

He got a little coy but eventually came out with it: “Yeah, I like it.”

A little while later, I opened my askbox to find he’d sent me the above image.

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Tonight I’m thinking about people I’m grateful for. 

One of those in particular is herdirtylittleheart, who has been the best Femme Daddyish, poly buddyish human being lately. We’ve both been extending ourselves in brave and risky and scary ways with ethical non-monogamy/polyamory, and I really don’t know how I’d be able to handle half the stuff that’s been going on.

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Tonight I’m thinking about people I’m grateful for.

Call it a belated Thanksgiving.

This week I’ve gotten into arguments/disagreements/bullshit with two of my partners (along with having a lot of non-poly bullshit happening). It’s only freaking Wednesday.

Things look all right now, but one of my *vanilla friends* made me this little care package after I expressed my poly problems.

I’m super fortunate.

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diaryof-alittleswitch:

I need the video to this. Anyone please?

Wait stop this is the most adorable ethical non-monogamy porn gifset ever. All that cuteness, all that consent and checking in.

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Two nights ago, something pretty crappy happened with my family. It was totally out of left-field and never something I had imagined would ever happen. I’m still kind of reeling from it, but I’m doing a lot better that I thought I would be, all things considered.

But when I learned about it, I had a pretty massive panic attack. I have anxiety, and this stuff happens, but I’ve never had one this bad. My whole body was shaking, I wasn’t saying the right words. Given the circumstances, it was a “natural” reaction, but it was still incredibly frightening.

I was about to go to bed when I found out and I started texting Sir frantically. He was able to calm me down somewhat, and I was so grateful for him for being so understanding and gentle during the whole thing. It’s one of the reasons I love him so much and why I believe he’s such a keeper.

The next morning, I found out from Pup that he’d tried to get in contact with him. Pup was, understandably, asleep. When I asked Sir about it, he said that because he wasn’t able to care for me in person, he wanted to send someone over who could.

Even my therapist, who is a bit of a non-monogamy skeptic sometimes, was incredibly impressed like this. It shows that Sir trusts his place in my life to the degree that sending over another man to comfort me wouldn’t feel threatening. It shows that he also trusts Pup and me, as well as respecting the dynamic we’re building. It was just this really amazing, really selfless gesture that demonstrated that Sir totally prioritized my feeling safe and comfortable over the hierarchy of our non-monogamy. 

In light of all the crap that went down, there’s my silver lining. I realized that our non-monogamy has matured so much in the last year and that we really, really do trust each other.

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As much as I’ve loved exploring playing with other partners out here, I miss submitting to Sir so much. Nothing compares to it.

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I’m bringing one of my (comparatively) vanilla friends to a munch tomorrow. We were hanging out the other night and she asked if she could come along. 

She’s a little bit kinky, but I’ve never mixed friend groups like this before aside from bringing Pup to a party once. 

I’m just a little bit worried my silly, wild, boundary-blurring kinky friends are going to freak her out a little. But also a little hopeful they do, maybe?

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I went on my first date with somebody I met on tinder (whatever) yesterday and he actually handed me his freaking business card to confirm to me that yes he was a legitimate human being.

But we had a great time. We have some similar interests and he’s a great conversationalist. He’s got a Southern accent which clearly does absolutely nothing at all for me clearly guys clearly. He’s also got about a foot on me, but so does Sir, just about, and practically anybody else I hang out with by default of me being the shortest ever.

We ended up making out in his car at the end for a little while and we’re going to try to see each other again next week. We’ve both got busy schedules and I’m kind of like argh nobody has time for this I definitely do not have time for this but I think I’ve determined that scheduling is the ultimate poly problem.