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There’s absolutely a discrepancy between why I tell people i do yoga and why I actually do yoga.

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He used to tie me up like this and make me go to bed. 

Inevitably, I’d wake up humping the crotch rope.

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Somebody’s bought some new toys recently,

and he says they’re just perfect for playing doctor.

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Sir has one of those jobs where he isn’t allowed to talk about the specific stuff he does, even with me. Which, you know, might be the sexiest thing ever.

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I have an appointment with the gynecologist today. 

I’m not saying this is how I’d want it to go.

But I certainly wouldn’t complain.

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I’m heading to bed with a serious case of porno brain.

And a desire to have all sorts of horrible things happen to me.

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I’m hanging out with the lovely worthlessrapemeat tonight and getting dinner at a place we both love.

She kind of looks like the pretty meanie in this gif.

Except she’s prettier.

And meaner.