prettylittleperverts:

In such a bad place right now with my body, I hate it so much. How can I lose weight quick? Every time I starve I get stretch marks and it makes me hate myself more 🙁

Hey, number one, really hard truth: Losing weight will not fix your relationship to your body. I have learned from continuing experience. (Can you imagine if you talked about a relationship with any other person that way? I’ll like them better when they lose weight/get a better job/learn karate? It doesn’t work that way!)

I have dealt with an eating disorder/body dysmorphia for over a decade now and with the support of wonderful friends, an understanding therapist, and a kickass gym community. Losing weight didn’t fix anything, there were times I was heavier than now and had a better relationship to my body and felt happier.

But if you sincerely want to lose weight, there’s no way to just “lose weight quick” and fix things. Any weight I “lost” quick came back even more quickly. That’s because weight loss is built out of lifestyle change, not starvation diets. In fact, eating at a calorie deficit can even make you look bloated, so you are doing no favors to yourself by starving! (Not to mention this can lead to joint damage and all sorts of scary side effects later in life. Don’t do it!)

Like I said, weight loss is achieved through lifestyle change. It is typically gradual. If you are able, pick an exercise that makes you feel awesome and happy. For me, it was running and lifting. But it can be yoga or aerial silks or Zumba. It should feel like play. You should leave feeling glowy and awesome. And guess what? It’s going to make your skin glowy, it’s going to make your body be able to do awesome things like carry your own heavy groceries or chase down a bus. Remember that the “calories burned” by a workout mean very little. What is important is keeping it interesting, keeping it varied, mixing it up with cardio and strength.

However, exercise alone isn’t enough. What’s also important is diet and I do not mean GOING ON A DIET. I mean making sustainable dietary changes. If you are able and can afford to, buy more vegetables and cook your own meals. Try to get stuff in tupperwares over weekends to last the week. The goal is not to eat little and starve the fat out of you, that doesn’t work. The goal is to eat healthily in a way that your body can perform all its basic functions. Attempt, if you can afford to, to cut out processed food and replace it with alternatives that lack the salt and sugar contents. Eat foods that you enjoy, not just ones you think you SHOULD EAT. (Some vegetables are freaking delicious!!) Like you want to develop a good relationship to foods you enjoy that make you feel good and that are good for you. (I knew a girl who only ate yogurt and cottage cheese and packaged salads. Her weight yo-yoed but most importantly SHE HATED WHAT SHE WAS EATING!)

But what’s important is also to remember to give yourself those treats sometimes. Have ice cream with your friends on a hot summer day, order a pizza with your partner for an anniversary. Cultivate a lifestyle and relationship to food that nurtures and supplies your body such that it can do daily tasks, aid you if you’re exercising, etc (if you have the time and resources to!!)

Please note: I am NOT a healthcare professional. My knowledge is mostly anecdotal or based on interactions with healthcare professionals. People like dietitians, nutritionists and personal trainers can help achieve your goals. But what is important here is that you adjust your relationship to your body. WHICH IS FREAKING HARD, I get it. Society is working HARD to make sure you feel shitty and buy stuff (blegh).

And losing weight isn’t going to fix this. I remember saying everything would be fixed if I lost ten pounds, then ten more, then five more, etc. I’m certainly not like TOTALLY ALL BETTER AND IN ETERNAL LOVE WITH MY BODY NOW. But my point is that you shouldn’t hate yourself for your stretch marks or your weight. (And no I’m not going to do that whole fetishistic they’re lightning bolts thing.) Because you’d never be that terrible or judgmental to another person you love.

I hope this helped?

ivy