No, I don’t agree with your argument. I detracted from it with statistics and facts. You responded with your misinformed opinion. And I just don’t have time to continue to engage with people who hashtag posts “HOPE AFTER FEMINISM.”
Month: May 2014
I don’t know how to ask this without sounding judgemental, but I hope you take it as a serious question, not an attack. We all agree that rape is horrible and I’m glad that there’s a campaign to address how wrong society’s mentality is about it. Yet you have said you have rape fantasies. I know it’s a “fantasy” in an environment of trust and consent, but why would you, being so outspoken about this issue, fantasize with something as rape? I’m just trying to understand the logic behind it.
StandardSo what you’re basically telling me is I’m a hypocrite for being outspoken about rape when, in fact, I fantasize about and engage in consensual nonconsent. What I love about messages like this is you’re really not trying to get the logic behind it at all, because people far more articulate and established than I have certainly written quite a bit on the subject. What you’re trying to do is either make me feel guilty or corner me into a “gotcha” to try to take away my credibility. Or you’re trying to reveal some underlying Daddy issue or make me admit whether or not I’ve been raped so you can pathologize me.
Let me start by saying that we live in a society where some of our most admired characters on television and in movies are drug lords, murderers and criminals. I highly doubt you would ever message someone who enjoyed The Godfather but who thought murder was unacceptable with this sort of message. I highly doubt you would accuse a teacher who would report statutory rape in a heartbeat but teaches Romeo and Juliet of being a hypocrite.
I like the term lived messiness. I am aware of my sexuality, I can problematize it, but I’m not going to crucify myself for it. Saying a feminist is a bad feminist for enjoying something is pretty damn anti-feminist.
It’s funny that you say “I know it’s a ‘fantasy’ in an environment of trust and consent” and still ask this question. Because, once again, you’re not really even asking a question here. If you acknowledge that I am behaving in an environment of trust an consent, how can you even call it rape? What I do in the privacy of my bedroom is so completely divorced from the act of rape it isn’t even funny. I don’t even call it a rape fantasy anymore, I call it consensual non-consent.
Rape is not a sexual act as much as it is an act of violence, power and control. Why am I so outspoken about this issue? Because it’s wrong and it’s horrible and it’s PREVENTABLE and it’s happened to entirely too many people.
Consensual non-consent is something that I do with a partner that I trust and respect, who reciprocates those feelings. While rape is an act that attempts to rid the body of autonomy, I feel that consensual non-consent only confirms my autonomy over my body by allowing me to grant my partner the privilege of being rough with it. (And on the subject of roughness? I love it. I love the adrenaline.) While rape is an act of betrayal, consensual non-consent is an act of trust. And while rape is about misinformed entitlement, consensual non-consent is about giving someone the privilege to something.
So, I could sit here and castigate myself and call myself a contradiction. Which is kind of exactly what the patriarchy wants me to do. Or I could continue to fight for the destruction of rape culture and the patriarchy while understanding the lived messiness of my sex life. My libido works a certain way, and I’m not going to suddenly drop this important cause just because I like my sex a little rough.
Oh, and by the way? “I don’t know how to ask this without sounding judgmental” falls under the same category of phrases like “I’m not trying to be racist/sexist/rude but…"
There’s something wrong with you if you scoop up a handful of M&M’s knowing only 10% aren’t going to kill you just like it’s stupid to commit to multiple guys at once instead of doing a “taste test” so to speak.
I don’t get the M & M reference. And all men aren’t monsters so what are they trying to say? Can’t we just teach not to rape and teach kids early not to take advantage of people. I hate it when they get into the “all men are like this” mode. Obviously your ignorant if you think all men will rape you. Why on earth do feminist keep saying that, it’s the furthest thing from the truth. Men will rape yes, but every man will rape, no that just isn’t fucking true and it’s upsetting when they keep repeating it and repeating it like they want it to be true. For Christ sake three of my own blood were raped and if I could find the sick son of a bitch who did it I’d torture each one of them. I’d torture and kill them and make a video and post it on YouTube. And I’d go to prison with a smile on my face. So when I hear “all men” I fucking boil inside because they’re putting me in the same category as the trash that hurt my mother, my father, and my sister. And it’s like they don’t even care to think that men get raped too. Most as boys, defenseless little boys like my father was. Little boys who didn’t wear revealing clothing, or flirted with the fucking guy. A rapist is gonna rape because they want to rape it has nothing to do with what you’re wearing or how you act. I am all for feminism and the #allwomen or whatever it’s called campaign but I’m not for preaching ignorance. And a lot of what I’ve seen; 3 out of 7 of the stuff they post is ignorance. Rape is wrong, just like saying all men will rape you is wrong.
I don’t normally get too involved, but the irony of you not getting the M&M reference is too great. The reference is showing that we acknowledge not all men are rapists.
It means if we know one in ten (for example) M&Ms are poisoned, why would we take the risk of taking one? Apply this same theory to men- if one in ten (for example) men are rapists, or violent, why in the damn hell would we risk dating one, when those odds are so great?
So yes, not all men are rapists or violent, but all women have to consider the chance that: the guy she is turning down; the guy who groped her on the bus; the guy who seems to be nice; even her boyfriend; or the guy she’s been set up on a blind date with could be a rapist. Hell, I wouldn’t take those chances, and I think most women don’t.
BAHAHAHAHAHA they pulled “not all men” on a post critiquing the act of saying “not all men.” I can’t.
I think it might be helpful to add some logic to these pics. We teach the former, never leave your dunk alone etc, because the latter are CRIMES. You educate good people to be aware of where CRIMES may occur. You reach good people how to avoid being a victim. You tech good people not to be criminals. Everyone should follow these rules. “Fire” is more effective than “rape” for two reasons. Misuse of manipulative people yelling “rape” and that most people choose to avoid as much danger as possible. Teach courage, teach wisdom. May the f movement die out.
Hi. Let’s take a look at your “logic.”
1. It’s very hard to educate people where crimes may occur if they can literally occur ANYWHERE. You can be roofied at a bar or a country club. You can be raped in your own bedroom or in an alleyway. And, hey, by the way? Alleyway rapes (12%) by dark creepy strangers are a lot less common than acquaintance rapes (82%) by someone you know in a familiar place. A LOT LESS.
2. A lot of people, such as college-aged men in this particular sample, who do things like dropping a date rape drug into a woman’s drink do not believe that they are doing anything wrong.
3. I’m not sure who these manipulative people are yelling rape, because you’re more likely to be hit by an asteroid than to be falsely accused of rape.
Nice logic.
There’s something wrong with you if you scoop up a handful of M&M’s knowing only 10% aren’t going to kill you just like it’s stupid to commit to multiple guys at once instead of doing a “taste test” so to speak.
I don’t get the M & M reference. And all men aren’t monsters so what are they trying to say? Can’t we just teach not to rape and teach kids early not to take advantage of people. I hate it when they get into the “all men are like this” mode. Obviously your ignorant if you think all men will rape you. Why on earth do feminist keep saying that, it’s the furthest thing from the truth. Men will rape yes, but every man will rape, no that just isn’t fucking true and it’s upsetting when they keep repeating it and repeating it like they want it to be true. For Christ sake three of my own blood were raped and if I could find the sick son of a bitch who did it I’d torture each one of them. I’d torture and kill them and make a video and post it on YouTube. And I’d go to prison with a smile on my face. So when I hear “all men” I fucking boil inside because they’re putting me in the same category as the trash that hurt my mother, my father, and my sister. And it’s like they don’t even care to think that men get raped too. Most as boys, defenseless little boys like my father was. Little boys who didn’t wear revealing clothing, or flirted with the fucking guy. A rapist is gonna rape because they want to rape it has nothing to do with what you’re wearing or how you act. I am all for feminism and the #allwomen or whatever it’s called campaign but I’m not for preaching ignorance. And a lot of what I’ve seen; 3 out of 7 of the stuff they post is ignorance. Rape is wrong, just like saying all men will rape you is wrong.
I don’t normally get too involved, but the irony of you not getting the M&M reference is too great. The reference is showing that we acknowledge not all men are rapists.
It means if we know one in ten (for example) M&Ms are poisoned, why would we take the risk of taking one? Apply this same theory to men- if one in ten (for example) men are rapists, or violent, why in the damn hell would we risk dating one, when those odds are so great?
So yes, not all men are rapists or violent, but all women have to consider the chance that: the guy she is turning down; the guy who groped her on the bus; the guy who seems to be nice; even her boyfriend; or the guy she’s been set up on a blind date with could be a rapist. Hell, I wouldn’t take those chances, and I think most women don’t.
BAHAHAHAHAHA they pulled “not all men” on a post critiquing the act of saying “not all men.” I can’t.
Are you secretly a dinosaur?
StandardI’m pretty publicly a dinosaur.
Did your date go any farther than just a spanking? Was there any sexual activity?
StandardY’all are so freaking nosy.
For some reason, Sir and I had the best sex we’ve had in a while this afternoon. I don’t know, just all the chemistry and the butterflies and the sunlight and everything was all perfect.
Oh, and Happy Memorial Day.
first a girl gets stabbed and killed by a dude at school because she refused to go to prom with him
now seven women are dead and more are injured because some idiot tool felt like sex or even attention from women was something that was somehow “owed” to him
how many more times does this have to happen before we start getting it through our heads that male entitlement fucking kills people
When you look the statistics on violence against women, Elliot Rodger’s act doesn’t seem so much like a one-off incident. He was participating, albeit in a grandiose public way, in the time-honoured tradition of controlling women with violence and punishing them when they don’t behave as desired.
If you consider yourself an MRA, please unfollow me now.
If you think the “friendzone” is a legitimate thing, please unfollow me now.
If you think that that murderer’s actions are in any way validated by what the women around him did or didn’t do, please unfollow me now.
If you can look at what happened and honestly tell yourself you agree with the same things he agreed with, I want nothing to do with you. Please unfollow me.