sigh – Page 3

I went out and had a really lovely dinner with my friends tonight. We were laughing, chatting, enjoying ourselves. Until, suddenly, Elle walked in with one of her friends to get some pickup.

It was incredibly uncomfortable. Because while I talked to SG a lot about my feelings over the situation, I haven’t shared with her how I felt. I just had sort of decided that this and a few other things were enough of a reason to cut her out, at least for now. She’s not a positive presence in my life at all.

I tried to act like I didn’t see her, but she made a beeline to my table to say hello. I was polite, but didn’t give her much more than that. I don’t want to be confrontational. And I especially don’t want to let her know how much what she did affected me, because that would just be feeding into it.

I didn’t say goodbye when she left. But, it upset me how uncomfortable and small around her I felt. I absolutely hated it. It was even worse to explain to my friends why I had not been particularly friendly to her. I haven’t told very many people about the whole SG debacle because I didn’t want to start anything.

Fortunately, the rest of the night was lovely. But I just can’t stand how much I let certain people affect me.

“My girlfriend and I are Roger and Jane,” the Southern Gentleman commented as we watched Mad Men.

I blinked. “Please don’t tell me that. She’s a nice girl.”

Last week, he’d complained about her talking dirty not because she actually genuinely wanted to but to make him happy. It was unenthusiastic and a little sad. He’s always conflicted about her and he always comes to me about it.

“She’s so fun and beautiful and happy,” he continued, “but so…just…she doesn’t look beyond herself. She can’t look beyond herself.”

I sighed, “this is me saying this to you as a friend. But please promise me you won’t shack up with just another version of her. Because I know that’s going to be the easy and safe and fun option for you and it’s what a lot of the people around you are going to like. Please pick someone I can bear sitting around on a porch and smoking a joint with.” I realized how deep I’d just gotten and tacked on, “end of preaching, I promise.”

Somehow, he seemed all right with what I said and replied, “can we talk about this some more later?”

“Yeah, man,” I returned my attention to the tv, “woah. This is a really hip Viagra commercial.”

When we have these conversations, it’s when I realize I value him more as a close friend than as someone I mess around with. It’s strange to care so much about someone you’re physically involved with but to want to imagine being friends with them 20 years down the line than being with them. I know we’re not meant for each other and I don’t want to force it. But there’s a sensitivity there between the two of us. We really, honestly care about each other. We genuinely understand each other. And while we have really awesome sex, there’s something a lot deeper there that isn’t romantic so much as a really deep compassion between two very similar people. This blog tends to really capture only the silliness and sexuality which, while key to our relationship, is not its entirety at all.

Yikes, this was deeply personal post. Can we please end on a moment of silent appreciation for the pink towel on Roger’s head?

sexmahoney:

Great Moments in Freeze Frame #1696 – Mad Men

Things I am stressed about today:

Last night, I accompanied my best friend out and may have allowed her to get a little wasted at a party. At one point in the evening, she pounced on me and tried to make out with me. I managed to wrestle her off, knowing she was totally not in the right state of mind, and she almost started crying because of some trouble with a guy she had been hooking up with. Awesome.
During the evening, I completely said the wrong thing to that guy from my frat and I am fairly sure I may have completely screwed things on even a friendship level there.
The evening ended in me, her, and her ex-boyfriend in a shouting match in the student center at three in the morning when she wanted to go home with him. He was absolutely awful to her and he got ultra-defensive when I asked her if she was going to be okay with this decision.
Today, I finally heard from her. She doesn’t remember last night, partially from being blackout drunk and partially because they had such violent sex her head knocked the headboard and she got a concussion.
When I told her what she did last night, not realizing she was just getting out of a hospital, she broke down crying and called herself the worst person on Earth.
I am now headed over to her room with cookies so we can sit around and bitch about men.

Seriously, tumblr, can I ever just catch a break?

I want to protect her. I want to keep her safe. But I know it’s not my job or my responsibility or my place. And I know it would just make some things much more difficult.

Tonight’s just one of those nights where I need this.

Dear Malaria Medication,

You make me sick. Literally. And idiomatically. Why else would I be up this early/late?

Sincerely,

Ivy

saucylittleminx:

Totally in need of a cocktail.

just46mike:

✧

So, here’s the deal with this infamous ex-boyfriend who I still talk to and who I mention directly and indirectly (he picks up on these, too) a lot so far in my tumblr’s small life:

He does not go to school with me. He does not live terribly close to where I go to school, though he does live fairly near where I live “at home”. He and I are not in the same place in our lives at the moment and it feels like, while the connection between us is so obvious, the rest of the world doesn’t fall together around us quite as neatly.

Simply put: We were absolutely the right people at absolutely the wrong time.

And that’s what seriously, seriously kills me. Because it’s hard to call a “relationship” quits when we’re both very, very deeply in love with each other, when we have something incredibly special, when we understand each other on a level that neither has experienced before, and when we cannot imagine our lives without the other present in some form.

So, we still mess around. We still talk. We still play. We still confide in each other. We still joke. We are still the same, basically, but without the pressures of a “normal” sort of “relationship”. This both comforts me and upsets me. This whole thing is relatively new, with us “breaking up” fairly recently, and we’re both sort of getting a feel for this different level of our “relationship”.

We miss each other, we love each other, and we absolutely want the best for each other. And, right now, the pressures of maintaining a serious relationship are just making us stressed out.

The quote chosen by the amazing sheslostcontrol-again to caption this photo is so, so real to me right now. I love Bukowski.

sheslostcontrol-again:

“The shortest distance between two points is often unbearable.”
— Charles Bukowski

wanderer-of-dark-dreams: astralis: pinkprincess17:masochisticbeauty: