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Kiiiiinda me, though.

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thinkivykink:

I’m teasing Sir on Skype right now.

This was what I wore, with fishnets, during a certain threesome with him and SG that I need to work up the nerve to write about already.

(Please ignore the bruise on my inner thigh, I dropped a freaking kettlebell into my lap.)

Throwback to that time that I made a near perfect gif loop with tumblr’s shitty gif function.

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Femme Problems

Me: Hey, I dozed off. Why didn’t you wake me? Didn’t you want to get to the bar like half an hour ago?

Pup: I assumed you were getting ready.

Me: What?!

Pup: I don’t know. It usually takes you two hours to put clothes on.

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Well this gives me a whole ton of feelings.

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doctortease:

(Part one, part two.)

After initial visual inspection and baseline vitals were established for Ivy (hereinafter “subject”), the session proceeded as per standard protocol. Subject was responsive and aroused. Subject was vocal despite attempted self-restraint.

Of particular interest for this exam were the subject’s orgasmic threshold, pain threshold, and verbal or physical cues to indicate their approach. The following techniques were employed to glean data.

  • Subject’s glans clitoris and labia were stimulated manually.
  • Subject, while sight-deprived, was allowed to hear a nitrile glove being donned.
  • Subject was offered and accepted synthetic lubrication.
  • Subject’s vaginal canal was penetrated with a single finger. (note: concern about diameter expressed here, unusually early)
  • Subject was stimulated via vibrating wand fitted with silicone diffuser head.
  • Subject was induced to choose between body weight on said wand or sustained stress posture. (note: she chose tiptoes)
  • Subject was bent at the waist, and manual impact stimulus was employed.
  • Subject was eventually persuaded to count manual impact stimulus aloud. Impact was extended to the upper thighs and the soles of the feet, in addition to the traditional posterior site, as part of this persuasion
  • (Note that by this point self-lubrication had made synthetic reapplication redundant.)
  • Subject was penetrated with two gloved fingers. Vocal protest increased sharply. Significant pressure noted.
  • Subject was turned onto reverse side to allow for tactile examination of breast tissue and, again, application of the wand.
  • Subject’s legs were repositioned to allow for maximum exposure.
  • The exam proceeded to phase three.

Keep reading

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There’s a pint of half and half in the refrigerator at work that says “everybody use me” on it and like…same, honestly.

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It’s that kind of day where you have to spend almost all day at work watching your two fuckboy supervisors (YES, SERIOUSLY, TWO) have an absurd argument and then put you in the middle of said absurd argument. And then it still isn’t resolved at the end of the day and you’re worried that this is going to somehow affect you but then like one of said supervisors sends you an email way after hours essentially entrusting you with more responsibility which you’re not sure if it’s an endorsement of your skills or like a slight against the other supervisor. So then you just make a bunch of penne alla vodka and eat it straight out of the pot.

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“Can we love nature for what it really is: predatory?” – Richard Siken, The War of the Foxes.