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The hard work is done. After yesterday’s amazing news and turning in a huge assignment today, I’m feeling so incredibly free. 

Time to wipe the dirt off my face (figuratively) and go celebrate the holiday like a champ.

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I hate to sound cheesy, tumblr, but one of my huge dreams came true today. I’ve been working with this something in mind for years, the odds were slim, and I triumphed. I am so indescribably elated right now that I just can barely focus on all the work I have tonight.

Secretly, I’d kept this image in my drafts to look at as I waited to find out about this thing. And so now I’m posting it.

I’m sorry. I promise the smut will resume soon.

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A poem I like:

Having a Coke with You

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them

I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully
as the horse

it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

Frank O’Hara’s right as rain. It’s not what you do so much as who you do it with.

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I am sorely (pun pun giggle) overdue for a spanking.

That guy from my frat and I hung out and did work together today. After last night, I’m of the mind that I deserve a spanking. The fact that he hasn’t given me one is totally egregious. 

If I were a little ballsier, I’d send him this video as an example. But, I’m fairly sure he noticed the bow, so hopefully he can recognize that I’m repentant. Or up the ante a little and make me repentant himself.

Seriously, why am I not getting spanked right now? Also, where did the people behind this video go? They were great.

in-the-quiet-house:

sorely missed. 

anybody know where littlemissspankypants ended up?

eponymouslocate:

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Confession: Sometimes, when I misbehave the night before, I overcompensate the next day by dressing cute and sweet.

(Pardon the chickenscratch name scribble.)

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So, last night my friend turned 21. Since I gave up drinking for Lent, my tolerance is now shot to shit and I get drunker faster. Much, much faster. With much, much less alcohol.

With an amount consumed that would normally not do too much damage, I found myself accidentally drunk on a Tuesday. Whoops.

Of course, naturally, I run into that guy from my frat and say some stupid stuff. Just par for the course. But, he texted me this morning to make sure I was okay, which was sweet of him.

But, ugh, too many times he’s encountered me drunk and I don’t want him to just think I’m a mess. He sees me sober a lot, but he misses me somehow on nights out when I manage to keep my shit together (the greater percentage of nights out). He asked me to formals recently and I consented, but of course now I’m worried I’ll wind up drunk and making a fool of myself there.

Part of me wants to just make him go away before I continue to just mess up over and over. He’s way too nice and understanding about the whole thing and I worry eventually I’ll push that kindness to its breaking point and he’ll just get sick of me.

Sigh.

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“In one way or another I’ve always suffered. I didn’t know why exactly. But I do know that I’m not so scared of suffering now. I feel more than I’ve ever felt and I’ve found someone to feel with. To play with. To love in a way that feels right for me. I hope he knows that I can see that he suffers too. And that I want to love him.” – from the film Secretary.

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“The stage is set
Someone’s going to do something someone else will regret
I speak in smoke signals and you answer in code
The fuse will have to run out sometime
Something here will eventually have to explode
Have to explode.”