Darth Vader: *force chokes storm trooper*
Storm trooper: harder daddy
Darth Vader: what
Storm trooper: what
Chats
Me, a menstruater: Why must you constantly prep for babies? Can’t you just wait until after we decide we want babies?
Uterus (now with magical eye, hip flask, and peg leg): CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
me: do i give a fuck
depression: no
anxiety: yes
me: fuck
Me: Ugh I should make an appointment to get a cleaning but I’m scared of dentists.
Sir: Aw, not all dentists kill lions, baby.
Her: I didn’t have enough water for tears because it was all leaking out of my pussy.
My relatives: Aren’t you worried about what boys think about that outfit?
Me: boys think?
Shy Baby
ChatMe: I’m really open about sexual things and what I like.
Daddy: Princess what do you want me to do to you?
Me: I uh I want um *hides*
Me: *cleans makeup brushes* at last, here I am. Finally pulling my life together.
Actual conversation we had last night
ChatMe: So I’d rather eat in if that’s okay.
Pup: Yeah if you want.
Me: Okay great I’ve got some stuff in the fridge that I need to get rid of.
Me: Also there’s a sippy cup full of Sir’s piss in there.
Me: So uh maybe don’t touch that.
Pup: …
Sir: I’m coming home now and I’ll marinade the meat. How hungry are you?
Me: Not that hungry.
Sir: Want to fuck?
Me: Haha sure let’s fuck.
Sir: While it sits in marinade for like 30 min.
Me: Lol I hope you mean the pork and not your dick.
Sir: Pork: what I want to eat and what I want to do.
Me: Oh God.