The other day I was hanging around with Pup when I got onto the subject of how okcupid has infinitely slim pickings where we are “It’s about 98% gross dudes,” I explained, “and then girls who aren’t interested in all my crap.” That crap being kink and poly.

I pulled up my account to demonstrate, when he pointed out a very cute girl with a high match percentage. “What about her?” he asked.

“Well, that’s new,” I said. “She’s probably not into poly girls or girls who aren’t just gay or into kink.” We opened her profile. She was. “Well, I’m not messaging her,” I said. “I’m shy.”

Pup patted my knee. “You’re going to message her right now.”

I kept insisting there would be some osort of a catch and went through another page of her questions. Eventually, Pup lost patience and said, “you’re messaging her in the next five seconds or I’m giving you a beating.”

I huffed. “Maybe I want a beating.”

“You’re getting a beating either way,” he said. “It’s up to you whether it’s one you enjoy or one that doesn’t stop until you start crying.”

I ended up sending her one of the most awkward, shy, stilted little messages. I even admitted in the message that it was awkward, shy and stilted. But, she responded really warmly and we exchanged phone numbers. Now, we’re getting coffee today.

Eek.