Fact: Bunnies are some of the best friends a deer can find.
herdirtylittleheart
Me: It was great [to get laid last night] because I had a major deadline yesterday.
Heart: A dick deadline?
Can we discuss that I was just looking through my drafts/submissions for a pizza pic (I have multitudes) but then herdirtylittleheart just submitted this one as if summoned?
The rest of my day after apple picking involved me going to a party for a friend of mine who just had one of those amazing life milestones that makes you think either he’s too good at this or that everyone else is just moving too slow at the whole adulting thing. While I was there, I ran into the guy from last night who saw me out with one of my partners and managed to clear it up without outing myself.
This then turned into lots of champagne for both my friend and for managing to get away with this, some celebratory pizza, and a nap at like 8 PM facedown on my floor.
So, ah, I’m clearly adulting just as well, thank you.
So much love in one picture.
Is that me?
I think that’s me.
Here’s my contribution to herdirtylittleheart’s awesome #happybirthdayheart challenge.
I talk a lot about how Heart was one of the people pivotal in making me as brave(ish) as I’ve become. So, I wanted to do something super brave for this. It ended up sort of happening on the fly, but I’m thrilled with the result.
My vanilla friends and I took a crazy road trip to climb a crazy thing. Something you should know about me is that I hate hate hate hate hate heights. I didn’t think I’d actually end up going up to the top. But, somehow, I did.
I was so high on adrenaline and so ecstatic that I pulled my pants down to moon the distance I’d climbed and asked one of my vanilla friends to take a picture of my butt.
And you know what? She did it!
I maybe would’ve made a few different artistic choices had I been in charge, but here’s my offering to the Birthday Game. Recently, I was speaking to Heart about how awesome and brave people are being, and how inspirational it is to see what being brave means to each person. What I did here was an important step on two fronts in my life: conquering my anxiety-related fears and being my full, unabashed self in front of my friends.
On the way down, one of my other friends leaned over and said, “I think what you did was great. A lot of people would go up and carve their name into a tree or something. But this is something you can have from a time you did something wild and brave to always remember how that felt.”
So Happy Birthday, Heart. Your presence on this site is important and inspiring. Thank you for the excuse/opportunity you’ve given us this month.
Here’s why posts like this (and other “kids these days *shakes fist* ” type sentiments) rub me the wrong way:
Do you know why our parents/grandparents/etc stayed together? BECAUSE THEY HAD NO OTHER OPTIONS! They lived in a time when divorce was against their religion or frowned upon by their culture. One of my great-grandmothers divorced her cheating alcoholic bum of a husband and was literally shunned from her entire small European village. She had to take her daughters (who she was protecting) and move, and in their new town they just told everyone her husband had DIED to avoid the negative stigma of divorce. And you know what? I bet she would have LOVED the opportunity to have messages from 7000 followers saying “go girl” and “you can do this” and “your hair looks cute” when she was going through her darkest days.
The number of couples that were stuck in abusive, loveless or unhappy marriages is staggering. The number of couples NOW stuck in abusive, loveless or unhappy marriages is also staggering. Divorce is a good option for a lot of people. (So is not getting married in the first place… but that’s a different rant.)
Yes social media can be addictive and detrimental to anyone (coupled or not) who ignores their real life partner(s) in favour of online connections, but the same can be said for ignoring your partner for work, sporting events, candy crush, fantasy football leagues, video games or any number of things. A relationship can only be successful if it is given the attention and maintenance it deserves. A relationship of any kind requires your presence.
I (like so many of you) have found meaningful and loving relationships with friends and partners online and I really detest rhetoric that tries to say online relationships can’t have depth and purpose.
In fact I come from a long line of women who could have benefited from looking around and seeing that there were PLENTY of fish in the sea.
*steps off soapbox and swims by winking at you and waving my fishy fins glub glub*
God damn.
Yes.
Definitely getting a suit.
Um yes totally unbiased opinion clearly but yes get a suit yes very good yes.
It’s strange and alarming to see a body you’ve come to know in only two dimensions suddenly appear in a doorway and move. And it’s somehow comforting to be eating pizza with that person and find yourself making old jokes that now, too, seem to have abruptly become three-dimensional.
The degree of trust that Daddy displayed in allowing me into her home and into the full-blown dimensionality of her life was I think what kept me from simply being too nervous to function. Yes, I was still massively nervous. But, I was functioning. But we had talked so much about how tumblr reduced people to facets of themselves, and it was an honor to see the full picture.
So, to fill you in: Yeah, Daddy is 300% glitter and all heart. (I am the queen of bad puns.) And by the time we were doing makeup in front of her bathroom mirror and I was slipping into one of her shirts in an attempt to pass it off as a dress, things were starting to feel comfortable. When we settled onto the couches at her friend Cee’s club, the jitters had mostly dissipated except I got super nervous and accidentally walked behind the bar (facepalm) and then I accidentally (but fortunately) spilled half of my drink on some Montrealian attempting to pass himself off as a Frenchman (fistpump).
During the tour of the sex club, she grabbed my hand when I suppose she noticed I was nervous. When I asked her what a spanking bench was, something told me in the look in her eyes that I’d be back over it by the end of the night.
I don’t usually like spanking all that much. It used to be my go-to kinky thing to think about and ask for, but it’s so hard to strike that balance between too hard and too soft and I guess I’m just a picky thing all too often. But, I wanted to be brave for her in front of the throngs of people in the play area.
As soon as I got up on the bench, I was too shy to look up. But, I felt safe in her hands. She knew how to talk to me in such a way that both encouraged me to enforce my limits while making me want to push them for her. She knew how to handle some dudebro who wanted in on our fun (the answer is with total sass and self-assuredness.) She knew when to go faster and when to give me a break and when to check in. It made me really enjoy spanking again with that sort of new, fresh, exciting enthusiasm I first felt the first time I’d ever been spanked. I felt shy and bold all at once. I was glowing stupidly with endorphins.
Before I went to bed, I asked her for a kiss good night.
I fell asleep smiling.
It was my first time going over the border and I was going through the usual questioning from customs. But, I was prepared. I’d memorized the address, I had my passport out and ready, I had my return ticket at hand in case he needed to see it.
“Have you been to Canada before?” he asked, checking my passport.
I shook my head. “No, I haven’t.”
“So, how do you know your friend, then?"
The long of it is that she was my very first follower the night I started my tumblr back in 2011 and I had no idea what I wanted from just about anything in my life. In particular, the kink stuff all had suddenly rushed into my life, coagulated into something completely indecipherable. I was starting to understand the idea that I didn’t have to hide and that I could get what I wanted, but both concepts overwhelmed me pretty equally.
And so when I found tumblrs like hers – of people off doing the things I’d thought were totally unreasonable and impossible and just functioning – I thought I’d throw myself into the fray and see what came of it. I followed a bunch of the blogs I’d been lurking around. And she followed me back.
For the better part of a week, she was my only follower, generously liking stuff while I awkwardly tried to negotiate being able to vocalize my sexuality. We exchanged asks, which turned into emails, which turned into detailed exchanges about the things we didn’t feel we wanted to elaborate about on our blogs.
And weirdly, she started taking on the caregiver/Daddy role without either of us realizing it. She listened when stuff got bad or weird or just plain old disastrous. When I was too shy to post pictures of myself, I sent them to her first to try to practice being brave. After she’d encouraged me, I’d post them up.
And, yeah, I had a high-functioning crush on her. But, more than that, I’d developed an honest friendship with a really admirable, open person who was on a pretty similar adventure.
Fast forward to this past summer, when I was in a tinychat with her and the topic of femme Daddies came up. Or maybe it was the fact that I wanted a Daddy? But there was some joking that had turned into a series of "but, really"s that turned into a dynamic we’d been unconsciously pantomiming already.
I looked up at the customs officer and blushed. ”…Internet.“
He smirked. "Okay, move along.”
Hanging with thinkivykink and NymphoNinjas at the Feminist Porn Conference. Loving the passion, sense of community and inspiration!
True story: We took this picture when I was about to leave to catch my ride out. I slipped just about halfway out of my coat to get the name tag into the photo. Heart was squatting and I was on tip-toes. Don’t say we never work hard for you all. 😛